And let me love you anyways” – Edgar Allen Poe

I always read quotes from writers and poets alike whose own minds were the cause of their own suffering. My mind is often the cause of any suffering I experience, at least at this point in life.

This one makes me feel in a deep, deep way. As I travel through time and space I realize that everyone does terrible things, not always on purpose. I think we often believe that people act with malicious intent more than they actually do.

My views of the world are changing, and for once it’s in a good way. I no longer believe in all the bad, I no longer succumb to the negative. If I told you it was because of god you would judge me, but that’s okay. Judge away. I need to accept and remind myself that just because someone judges you for something doesn’t mean you need to feel shame over that thing, and let me tell you this. I’m not asking you to believe in god, or live a life of god. I’m not judging you for the way you live, but because the word god and so many religions have become a weapon used in politics. If you believe in god you must believe *insert right winged thing here*.

We live in a world of extremes, and that’s not what god would expect. God forgives sins because he knows you’ll make them. I believe in god, AND LGBTQIA+ rights. I believe in god, AND abortion. I believe in god, AND a woman’s right to choose. See what a lot of godly people forget is the bible was written thousands of years ago.

People who are against homosexuality or abortion and use god’s name as the reason, they’re not living a life of god. Love thy neighbour, there is no caveat in which you stop loving the people around you. You don’t decide to hate your neighbour for their decision to due what they see fit with their bodies. You don’t hate your neighbour for whom they love.

I say all this because this quote is true, it’s deep, and it’s raw. No one opens up that way anymore. Yesterday someone asked me my biggest regret in life, talk about a way to ruin someone’s day. How do you pick just one?

I answered without having to think or pause. My biggest regret is not spending more time with my dog. I began to think after I answered though and that’s when it hit me.

I have no regrets. All the bad things i’ve experienced, all the bad things I’ve done, they were lessons. They got me to where I am in this moment in time. Even the little ones. So how can you regret things that led you to exactly where you are supposed to be?

I WISH I spent more time with my dog, but that reminds me to spend more time with the people and things I love now, and to visit her when I can.

I WISH I was a better partner to my ex, not because I want to be with her, but because she deserved better. Now that reminds me in my next relationship to be better.

There’s many more wishes on the list, but they’re all followed with buts. They’re all followed with things I now know to do better in the future, and that’s more valuable than having never made the mistakes.

Someone recently told me when they think of me the word success comes to mind, I laughed.

Someone recently told me that I am an extraordinary leader, I laughed.

What people see is a snapshot.

Currently I am leading a team and doing a good job at it, but I had to lead other people and fail doing it, to be succeeding at it now.

You can view me as successful, depending on what you consider success to be, but what you don’t see is all the times I failed, all the times I was down and out. All the times I quit but never said it out loud.

Tell me every terrible thing you’ve ever done, and not only will I love you anyways, I’ll show you why it was a good thing you did it.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.