‘Cause I was in a daze, movin’ in the wrong direction
Feelin’ that I’d always be the lonely one
Then I saw your face on the edge of my horizon
Whisperin’ that I wasn’t the only one
Not the lonely one

True love or perfection
It seems like it’s overdue
Then just when you least expect it
It comes sneakin’ up on you

When I thought that I was dreaming
Felt your body close to mine
Now love takes on a different meaning
Together ’til the end of time

You can catch me dancing to this song alone pretty much every day when I’m opening the restaurant. I fucking love Bonnie Raitt, and her music resonates in some ways.

I haven’t been sleeping much, which is on par for me. The things that have been keeping me up don’t seem to be my problems though. I find myself lying awake worrying about others, and hoping they’re okay.

I recently referred to myself as a place holder in people’s lives, and while I believe it to be true, I realized it comes with a negative connotation. I’d like to clarify that I believe it’s part of my purpose. My purpose is to take care of others. Sometimes that means when people are a bit lost, or in a season of heartbreak you make sure to remain present until their next love comes along, then you get to move on and help someone else.

For years I called myself a hopeless romantic, but that’s the wrong way to put it. I’m not hopeless, I very much believe in love and true love and timing and all the things the hallmark movies sell you on. If I didn’t believe I suppose I’d be hopeless but some days all you have is hope, so you can’t lose it.

For the last almost two years, I’ve always felt like I’d be the lonely one for the rest of my time here. At a point that was very discouraging, now I’m okay with that. For a while I believed and loneliness and emptiness were things that existed together only. Now I realize that loneliness can exist without emptiness, as it does for me. I may live a very lonely and isolated life, but I’m not empty. People tell me they love me every day, love is arguably more around me now than ever before. Obviously there are different kinds of love. Platonic and romantic to name a couple. Romantic love is something I’m growing not to care about, platonic love can be plenty beautiful. Being alone can be beautiful. Being lonely is kinda beautiful in a sad way.

I recently met a pal, or I guess e-met a pal as she lives quite literally on the other side of the planet. I realized something in conversation with her. First it feels as though we are similar people and looking for similar things. She’s been going through a bit of a time because Men in 2025 don’t know how to be men. Anyways I talk about how because of the internet and cellphones were more connected than ever yet loneliness is at an all time high, and it’s actually considered an epidemic at the moment. This is where that place holder shit comes into play.

I believe there are leagues in the dating game, and for a variety of reasons, including the fact she’s older than me, a preference for me actually, I am out of this woman’s league, in fact I’d say most men are. However that difference not only makes you the perfect person to help someone through a hard time, but it also makes you invincible. I get to help her, and hype her up when she’s having a bad day, or a day in general, and I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

If I can just make one person’s day better every day, even a small bit, then my life is a little better every day. I don’t live for me and honestly I never really have. I like to take care of others. Support others, build others up. It allows me to lay my head down at night and feel like I may not be a good person, but at least I did a good thing today, and then I’ll lay awake until I can’t keep my eyes open and get a couple hours of sleep, wake up and do it again. That’s what life is about to me. The world isn’t a great place these days, and if I can just make someone’s day a bit better, then the world may be shit but at least I’m doing my small part to make it better.

I’ve always wished I could change the world, but I tend to be a realist, which some people consider to be a pessimist. It’s different, I just see how the world has been, and if history repeats itself then it’s how the world will be. I may not be able to change the world but I can make someone’s day better.

I’ll always be the lonely one, not the only one.

J