I don’t think this is a new realization, but one that came into an important conversation today, and then I did my little drive home thinks and this is a product of that.

To me toxic men are often men who are fragile in who they are, and that insecurity causes them to lash out, act a certain way, be cunts. To me most men in the world today fall into this category, but I never thought of why until today. As a man, at least for me, I reached a point where I had two options: face my problematic behavior and fix it, or pretend I didn’t know about it. Of course there is a third option which is actually not knowing about it.

Here’s why I used to be a fragile man, and sometimes still say things to myself like man up or you’re a man no one gives a shit.

First, my dad was a guy’s guy. Reaaaaaaaal tough guy, put some dirt on it and keep it moving kind of guy, so growing up I had to hide my emotions. If I showed emotion he attacked it.

The second reason is society. Let me preface this by saying I am by no means blaming women, BUUUUUUUT society has an idea of what a man is supposed to be, so women have an idea of what a man is supposed to be.

Men are hunters

Men are protectors

Men are the calm ones in the face of danger

Etc etc etc.

I will console you when you’re sad, and also beat the shit out of the guy who cat calls you, I’m happy to do both. The hold the door for you but slap your butt as you walk by kind of love. I’m all for it.

The problem is, women say they want men to be vulnerable or to open up. I opened up to a woman once when I was at my lowest, and she held it against me as a reason to leave me. For a while after that I felt like I couldn’t be vulnerable around anyone because they would think I was weak and leave. Over time I realized that my job as a man is to be the person who is calm in an emergency, and to protect. That all comes first. If you want me to be vulnerable I will be, I’m an open book I will tell you exactly what I think and feel about you at any given time and if you don’t believe me I recommend you fuck around and find out.

I was thinking about this because a woman asked me for advice dealing with a toxic male today. Not in a romantic sense but just trying to be civil. They were in a situation where she corrected him on something and he flipped out. I explained to her from the point of view from someone who used to be that way, but did the work and therapy to no longer be that way.

The problem isn’t that she corrected him, the problem is her gender. He is too insecure to accept that a woman could be right, and instead of accepting and owning his part in being wrong he lashed out because he figured it was a woman and there would be no consequence. See men like this are fragile and weak and it’s very simple to figure out. If I corrected him for the same thing he wouldn’t have had the same reaction. Why? Because if someone talked to me like that it’s probably going to end in a fight. I’m not a violent person but you’re not going to disrespect me and have me be chipper about it.

He reacted towards a woman that way because he knew it would intimidate her, and cause her to back off, which it did. That is the weakest form of man this planet has to offer.

I will be the first person to say women are better than men in every fucking sense of the word. They are better at everything, they are smarter, more capable. They have the amazing ability to bring new life into the world, they’re often kind, and nurturing by nature. Women are better than men and there isn’t a debate.

If you’re a gentleman reading this, have some fucking respect for the fairer sex, they go through enough in this life, and in this country. The last thing they need is you being a little bitch because you were wrong.

If you’re a woman reading this, I am sorry. I’m sorry that my vote wasn’t enough to save your reproductive rights. I’m sorry that some men think you are property. I’m sorry that men think it’s okay to be disrespectful. I’m sorry that a majority of men are the way that they are.

I see both sides, because I’ve been on both sides. Nice guys do finish last, and I’d rather live a lonely life and be remembered as a nice guy than be a piece of shit just because.

Gratefully,

A gentleman who went to therapy.