If you don’t know, Little Hell is the name of an album, and song by city and colour. The album came out 14 years ago, and about 12 years ago is when I stumbled upon it. Little hell is kind of the album that taught me that I go all in on things. When I listened to it for the first time I felt something music had never made me feel. I felt like the words being sung were from inside my mind. It felt like everything being said was something I felt.

The idea behind “Little Hell” is that life is made up of these “little hells” that you have to go through to get to the joy in life. How you always have to go through little trials and tribulations in order to get to the things you want in life. That alone resonates with me but then you listen to the track list, each song about a “little hell” the singer experienced.

I have a couple tattoos from this album. On my wrists it says little hell, and I think I picked that place for a reason. When people struggle with mental health and self hard that’s the first place you’d assume they’d cut because of stereotypes and movies. I got it there because 1 I knew I’d ever hurt myself there, and 2 It’s the perfect place to look down and be reminded that these hard times are temporary. I also have “Hope for now” tattooed on my chest, because without hope and the idea of it I wouldn’t be sitting by the fire writing this right now, I’d be ashes in the wind.

I’m going through a little hell as we speak. I’m in a season of unrest, where nothing feels sure, and I don’t feel sure my next moves. You know I think having the childhood I had, I always just wanted something to believe in. All the typical things people believe in I became skeptical of at a young age because there wasn’t any truth in anything my parents were telling me. Religion, spirits, the moon, fucking rocks. People believe in all different things, but i never trusted any of it, sometimes I still don’t know if I do.

I do know there’s a chance this hard time passes, but the good times never last either. This album taught me that even when things are bad they’re worth doing. It taught me not to give up on people, to go on all in those you care about.

What it didn’t teach me is accepting that you’re going to go through life and people are not going to be all in on you, and you need to be prepared to accept that reality.

I’ve had this tattooed on me for a decade, but I remember hearing the song for the first time like it was yesterday. I remember in 2008 I used to listen to the song “coming home” on my sister’s mac. I’d listen to it over and over and ignore the rest of the album because at the time nowhere felt like home, so I’d just imagine going to all the places Dallas talks about in the song. I don’t think i’ve been to a single one. I should get on that as we run out of time in life. I also remember thinking the music was whiny… 17 years later it’s music that is the reason I’m sitting here, and I wouldn’t be living without it.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.