I can’t read you like a magazine
Can’t even see you right in front of me talking
Your lips are moving, I don’t hear a thing
No, you’re not getting through to me

And I know you’d rather turn the other cheek
But you hit me up a thousand times a week
Scared to tell you that I don’t want you to leave
‘Cause I know you could
Yeah, I know you could

This can’t be right, I’m scared and I
Need someone to calm me
I’ll close my eyes ’til you arrive
And take me how you want me

Don’t you know me
Better than I know me?
Don’t you know me
Better than I know myself?

I can’t even hold a flame to it
Struggling to find a name to call it
Wonder if I’m being obvious
Maybe I’m acting out, I wish

That you’d never go and turn the other cheek
You used to hit me up a thousand times a week
Scared to tell you that I don’t want you to leave
‘Cause I know you could
Yeah, oh, I know you could

This can’t be right, I’m scared and I
Need someone to calm me
I’ll close my eyes ’til you arrive

This is a bit strange to admit, but I do better when I have someone in my life that reminds me to be present when I’m getting ahead of myself or anxious about something. The truth is I think I spent so much time as a kid wishing for a different life, that I never outgrew that habit. I was always a dreamer as a kid(not literally) because when you have nothing, all you have are dreams. Some of them I even achieved.

I can’t remember how young I was when I said I’d buy a house by the time I was 25, but I wasn’t even an adult yet. So when I bought a house at 24, I had felt for a moment, a very short moment, that I had made it. Then it was back to work taking care of the house, and the dog, and yea.

The only reason I was able to achieve that dream was another person to be totally honest. I had someone that kept me going when I wanted to stop. I had someone to remind me of my dreams when I lost hope. I think I’ve always sort of had someone around that knows me better than I know myself.

A friend I’m smitten over, I hate the word smitten by the way, did that the other day. I was blabbing about something, and she said “shhhh, live in the moment” Well she said live in ze moment but that made me cringe a little. Anyways she said it when I needed it.

Earlier this year when I met my pal Alison she’d always tell me “you don’t know the future” or “you don’t know what someones role in your life would be” and it was the first time I realized that, you don’t know. When I met Alison I wondered if we’d be together, and after hanging out a couple times I realized she was my platonic soul mate. She’s my guy, figuratively of course. I realized she was my guy when one day she said referring to a woman with a boyfriend “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” and while that’s true, and wild advice from a woman, you can’t score if there’s a goalie and you respect people. It’s true just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score, shit when my ex fiancé left me for another guy she was still wearing the ring I gave her.

I respect relationships though, I’d never intentionally break one or flirt with a girl who was in one. Actually I recently decided to retire from dating all together. There’s one person I’d be willing to go on dates with or date, but other than that I have more important shit to do than try to find a woman. It’ll find me if it’s meant to.

As the year comes to a close, and where the skies are gold not gray comes to an end, I’m grateful to have people who know me better than I know myself because it keeps my eye on the prize. Speaking of prizes… I think it’s time to buy another house. 2025 is going to be a big year. Life may not give you everything you want, but it’ll give you what you take.

DFM.

J.