Hiding in your hoodie, pulling on its strings
Haven’t took it off since you told me everything
God, I wish that you didn’t
Had to take a knife and open up the cut
Silver in the light, watch it tear me up
I’ll bleed out any minute

I could look the other way again
‘Cause I learned from the best how to play pretend

If a tree falls
I don’t wanna hear it
‘Cause if I don’t know
I don’t have to feel it
If I don’t see it going down
Then why can’t I just block it out?
Watching you fall
And I was nowhere near it
But I heard it, and I hate it

Back at the beginning, older than before
Wish I could remember the girl who I adored
I don’t know where she’s hidden
Running by the water, sun-burning my skin
Gotta keep on moving before it all sinks in
How is he getting through it?

When I listen to this song I find myself thinking I’m better than people. Only because there are so many ignorant people in the world, and as much as they drive me crazy, sometimes I wish I was one of them. Is ignorance actually bliss? I’ll never know.

I think about the conversation I had with my tattoo artist when I was getting my hands tattooed. The woman getting tattooed next to me was dumb as rocks. I mean she probably wasn’t actually dumb, but the small talk and the things she was spewing from her mouth, it was clear that she wasn’t self aware. I looked at my tattoo artist and said “imagine being like that?” He said “dude I regularly wish I could live like that for a day just to see, to not wake up with anxiety and the critical self-awareness”.

I guess it’s true in some sense that we want what we can’t have. What I’d like is a brain that doesn’t create a bunch of bananas scenarios in my head that probably aren’t and will never happen. Then I wonder what it’s really like to be ignorant? If I was able to live like that for a day would I hate it? Probably. I think ignorant people just exist, they don’t wonder, they aren’t curious, they don’t want answers.

For me I think I believe too much in kismet to ever be ignorant. I believe things happen in order for a reason. Do some of those things not happen and only exist in my head? Sure.

I think this idea of:

‘Cause if I don’t know
I don’t have to feel it

is one that really resonates. I’d rather know nothing, especially when you’re getting to know people. Like tell me about you but don’t share your past. Your past is your past it’s not who you are, and the less I know the less likely I am to judge the shit out of you, because let’s face it, I can be a judgy little bitch. I’m at work right now and just poured champagne for four girls that come in a couple times a week. One of them said this is really good what kind of champagne is this? I said “The French kind, the only kind.” Which technically speaking is true, but also if you drink sparkling wine, Prosecco, cava, anything that isn’t champagne, I judge you. First can you not afford it? or do you just not know better?

I giggle at the idea of new years because so many people will pop bottles and next to none of those bottles will be true champagne, most will pop Lamarca Prosecco which costs stores and bars about $6 a bottle. Unfortunately real champagne is gonna cost you more, but it’s worth it.

I’ve been feeling some things I don’t want to feel recently, and sometimes I wish I didn’t have to hear it, but the truth is, just because you don’t hear it doesn’t mean it’s not true.

DFM,

J.