When she sleeps
There is a fever dream, yeah
It brings a night terror
To harm this fragile bird

She speaks in tongues
Her words they come undone, yeah
And with a wayward mind
She struggles though the night

All that I can do
Is hope she makes it through
Through the night
Through the night

These cold nightmares
They make her worse for wear
Lost in the dark
She’s got a heavy heart

And when she wakes
In her fragile state
Well, she calls my name
Hoping that I keep her safe

I’ve always loved this song because it’s a song that makes you wanna shake your hips a little, but it’s also about how Dallas’ wife struggles with night terrors and he feels helpless when it happens.

I’ve been having a lot of night terrors recently, I talked about it in therapy today, but I haven’t got the answers as to why yet. I think it’s because a lot of my life feels out of control recently. Not like off the rails, but like my values are changing, the things I want are changing, I’m changing and all of that can be a lot to sit with, especially when you like to over think a bit.

I told my therapist today that the only good night sleep I’ve been able to get in the last couple of weeks was sunday night. Sunday during the day I went to church, and then to the shooting range. My therapist has a working theory, that sort of comes off the heels of my theory. My thought is being in the gun range your body is actually in fight or flight a bit, you’re surrounded by strangers shooting deadly weapons, and you too are also shooting a deadly weapon. I really enjoy shooting, but there is a moment of tension when you pick up a gun and put the magazine in and cock it back. Suddenly you’re in control of something deadly, and you have to choose to be harmless with that power. Not to mention when you’re in the range and the person next to you is shooting a 556 ar-15 it sounds like a bomb is going off every time they pull the trigger. All your senses are heightened and your adrenaline is going, so when you leave, you feel a level of relaxed I cant really explain.

It makes me want to go to the range more but I don’t know that shooting guns is a healthy way to cope with not sleeping. At least a few nights a week I wake up from a night terror, or like nocturnal panic attack. It’s when something happens in your dream that triggers your anxiety and you wake up mid panic attack. Each dream has been around the same thing, the same person. This person I care about is in trouble and I can’t get to them fast enough to help them, so I wake up in a panic. I don’t know what that means, but my therapist said if I can’t get it under control by our next session I’ll have to start a new medication.

All I can do is hope I make it through the night.

DFM,

J.