I wanna say goodbye
But I can’t find a way to make it out alive
You know that I’ve tried
But I can’t find a way to make it out alive
So goodbye
So goodbye, uh

So goodbye
It’s time to get high again
At the time, time with you was time well spent
On my mind, and I can’t get you out, I swear
When you died, I think ’bout the time we shared
And I can’t help but cry
I swear I’ve asked God why
So many goddamn times
Nothing can help, not time
None of the cars I buy
I’m tryna fix what’s inside
But my regrets haunt me every night

I just went for a walk with my sister and the dogs. There’s a trail near the house with some very nice scenic views. If anything proves to me the power of nature it’s her. We walked down by the lake you walk around and above it was a beautiful view of the sun and the trees, it made her cry because she said moments like that made her happy to be alive, and because we aren’t meant to live the way we do.

She was right, we are not meant to live the way we do. Our ancestors didn’t, as time goes on and technology gets “better” life seems to get worse. We don’t live with the land we live on it, which is supremely disrespectful to the natives that lost their lives and their way of life for us to be here. The genocide they went through so we could build roads and buildings so tall you can’t see the tops of them.

Technology will continue to ruin the way we live, as will the greed of people. I never really wanted to be a rich man, as it seems rich men have more problems than they can deal with, and just use that money to fix problems they wouldn’t otherwise have. I do have a new goal, maybe two.

I’m going to look into moving, where I’m going is a place I’ve wanted to go since I was kid. My other goal is to find a small farm somewhere in New England, buy it, put it in a trust, and leave it to my sister. She has dreams of growing old, dreams I wish I related to or understood. We don’t share that, and so I think she’ll probably outlive me. When she does I want her to have the one thing she’s always wanted, land. A home, a piece of land that is hers to live with, not on. A place her for and my brother in law to grow old with their dogs. My sister can garden, her husband can do wood working things.

This day two years ago Presley and I dropped off donations for Christmas to the mspca. When I was on that walk and saw the sun beginning to set, all I was reminded of was her. How the moments of genuine happiness and joy without her have been so few. It’s morbid to say but I do look forward to the day we’re reunited. On days like this it feels like it came come soon enough.

She’s in the permanent place, where the skies are gold not gray.

J