Welcome to one of my first little blogs that isn’t about music or related to a song. This one is more just mind blowing and I need to say this here, so that I don’t say it to the wrong people. One of those things where if I hold it in I’m going to say something I can’t take back.

I just closed the restaurant with Tom, for those who don’t know, which is most of you, Tom is my favorite bartender on my team, Tom and I work well together, we talk a lot of shit to each other, and have a really good time doing it. Tom pushes me in ways and helps me see things differently, and I like to think I do the same for him.

Tom and I were chatting about the bar meeting we have this Friday, a mandatory one, for the first time since I started. He mentioned how two of the other bartenders were complaining that the bar isn’t efficient enough. Isn’t efficient enough??????????

Let’s take it to the beginning, I’ll also give you some background on the dipshits we’re talking about. First is a woman, I won’t say names, who can’t make more than one drink at a time. I remember when I couldn’t make more than one drink at a time, I was 18….

The second is a gentleman who gives away more than he rings in, and that’s really the only reason regulars like him. Not to mention he also can’t make two drinks at the same time, and has never put a single thing back where it’s supposed to go.

Now when I started at 1928 the bar was a disaster, and to be fair, it’s still not where I want it to be, but we’ve come a long way. When I started one of the wells(a bartenders work station) was literally a 3 bay sink with an ice bin next to it. What is this 1990? I felt like I was watching cocktail with tom cruise. Anyways I ripped that out, literally, I did it, and we put in a proper ice well and sink, with a speed rail(where commonly used bottles go). Then I added glass chillers, reorganized everything and if you work the bar the way I expect you to, it’s a very efficient bar. Every ingredient for every cocktail on the menu is within arms reach, Hell a lot of ingredients for classics that may get called for are within arms reach. You have to take zero steps to build a drink from start to finish. You can stand in one spot, reach your tins, your sink, all your ingredients, and your glassware and garnish without taking a single step.

Next: the bar staff does ZERO prep. I make all the syrups, all the infusions, etc etc. They have to cut garnish everyday.. that’s it, and get ice. I do this because half of them are so lazy I cant trust them to add citric acid and salt to the fucking raspberry syrup. Or because I know they won’t weigh anything, and doing things by weight vs. Volume is significantly more accurate.

It’s also the only bar I’ve ever worked at where all the recipes are posted on the wall next to your well. You don’t even have to learn the fucking house cocktails, they’re literally in print for you because of how dumb these people are. Given I forget once in a while if it’s an ounce and a half or two ounces but I don’t spend much time back there.

Except when I come in 2 hours early every day to make sure they have everything they need, to make sure the wells are setup properly, to make sure prep is done, to make sure garnish looks good. Most days the bar staff needs to come in and cut lime wedges, that’s it, AND STILL sometimes that isn’t done by the time service starts. First bartender arrives at 3 we open at 4:30. You cant cut 40 lime wedges in an hour and a half and you’re complaining about efficient?

Give me a fucking break. Our cocktail menu is 15 cocktails, half of which are classics. two of the most popular drinks have 3 ingredients each. Most cocktail bars have cocktails with 5-8 ingredients and and they’re all obscure and they’re all expected to be prepped by the assholes making them.

Maybe when you can make more than one drink at a time or not give the bar away, we can talk about efficiency, until then, go fuck yourself, respectfully.

Thank you for coming to my rant.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.

P.S. Bartenders are entitled diva assholes, except tom, he’s only a diva asshole.