If they saw what I saw
They would fall the way I fell
But they don’t know what you want
And baby, I would never tell
If they knew what I know
They would never let you go
So guess what?
I ain’t ever lettin’ you go

‘Cause your lips were made for mine
And my heart would go flatline
If it wasn’t beatin’ for you all the time

So if I get jealous, I can’t help it
I want every bit of you, I guess I’m selfish
It’s bad for my mental, but I can’t fight it, when
You’re out lookin’ like you do, but you can’t hide it, no

Put you in a frame, ooh, baby, who could blame you?
Glad your mama made you
Makin’ me insane, you cannot be explained, ooh
You must be an angel

Every time the phone rings
I hope that it’s you on the other side
I wanna tell you everything (‘thing)
Everything that’s on my mind
And I don’t want any other guys
Takin’ my place, girl, I got too much pride
I know I may be wrong
But I don’t wanna be right

You ever have one of those crush’s that you can’t shake, no matter how hard you try?

I should start by saying I know some people really hate Justin Timberlake because of the whole Britney think, which to be fair I know nothing about, and quite honestly, don’t have a desire to know. I think society is weird about that shit now, sometimes bad people make good music, the two don’t have to be intertwined. Hell the music I stream on Spotify over the course of a year gets the artists like ten cents at best, who gives a shit?

I guess right now I’m actually listening to the acoustic version from his tiny desk performance, which probably benefits npr way more than him.

Anyways.

I kinda forgot this song existed because I don’t listen to the radio, so I get lost in these like patterns of listening to the same artists a lot or same songs a lot, but this just came up on my instagram and I was like huh, I could form a thought or two about this song.

As much as this song describes having a crush, the one thing I have to shit on is no one’s lips are made for each other anymore, too much filler in most people now. I have no problem with it, but sometimes you have to call a spade a spade.

I don’t really consider myself a jealous guy, I definitely used to get jealous, but as I grew up and realized how toxic it can be, and how much I didn’t want to be the man my dad is, I just let go of that emotion, or learned to control it. I think it’s a two parted thing. Do I get jealous sometimes? Sure but I’m not in a relationship so I need to stay in my lane, also when I do I just keep it to myself. The other part of it is despite the lack of self love, or self worth, I am secure in the idea that there’s not really like a better partner out there.

Is that too confident?

What I mean is like, I think personally, and obviously I’m biased, but I think my green flags significantly outweigh my red flags. I’m a very caring, loving, loyal person. I’m mostly self aware with the occasional slip. I go to therapy because I don’t think it’s fair to take your shit out on the people around you, especially when they’re not the ones that hurt you. You can’t just go about life with all this unresolved trauma and fuck up other people’s lives, or put them in the crosshairs of your attacks. Be an adult, talk about it, work through it. I think the other part is like, I like to try to see things from other people’s point of view, and I like to learn how to be a better person, isn’t everyone’s goal to just be a little better every day? So as far as fighting or arguing goes, I don’t really participate, either we agree to disagree or have a cool, calm, and collected conversation until one person see’s it the other persons way.

I see couples now that fight none stop and I always wonder why they stay in the relationship. I can make time for anything that is important to me, but I am not making time for that shit, or those types of people.

I do believe sometimes a crush or whatever the fuck you want to call it, can be bad for your mental health, but it’s kinda your decision to keep participating, or you can remove yourself. I do believe that sometimes you see someone and you almost have blinders on, you only see all the good, and all the good is so good that you don’t see the bad, or it’s so good you just don’t care about the bad, it outweighs itself.

Overall I think, I have a crush, and some days it makes me insane, some days I can’t explain it, but some days it really makes you fucking feel alive, even if the person doesn’t feel the same way. Sometimes when you’re having a bad day, and that one person whose attention you want, texts you and you’re like you know, what the fuck was I even mad about? That’s sort of what makes it worth it.

I also believe that the way things are today, aren’t necessarily the way things will always be, in fact I can almost guarantee this isn’t how things will always be because there are things in life that I thought would be different than they are today, but we don’t control the future or predict it. We just live now.

You must be an angel.

Jealous, but I can’t help it
I want every bit of you, I guess I’m selfish.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.