This world could be a son of a bitch
Well, look through my eyes
Can’t always climb to safety
Sometimes you gotta flight
Go get it if you want it
Keep that fire burning inside
You won’t ever find another like me
‘Cause I’m the last of my kind

Don’t ask me how the fuck I stumbled onto this song, because I don’t have an answer, and in some senses, I am the last of my kind, in other senses, I’m the first of my kind.

When it comes to hospitality, I really think I am the last of my kind. The mentors that I’ve had over the last decade, and the people I look up to still, you don’t find people like them anymore. This new generation of hospitality professionals either doesn’t care and is doing it for a paycheck, or they’re doing it for like some form of clout because suddenly it’s cool to be a tattooed bartender with a mustache who looks like he hasn’t slept in a month(I’ve slept just not enough). No body does it for the right reasons anymore, no one does it just to be kind to their neighbors, to build a sense of community, to help people celebrate, to help ease peoples sorrows. That’s what restaurants are supposed to be there for, not some fucking instagramable drink or wine no one knows anything about. It’s become a pissing contest of who can make the best drink using bizarre technique or ingredients that the average person knows nothing about. Grow up, how about just being kind to people, letting your product speak for itself, and being intentional in your service. You cant treat every guest the same, and it’s not about favorites or anything like that. Every guest just has different needs, you need to learn to anticipate those needs, blow peoples minds with how you treat them, make them feel seen and heard. Otherwise what the fucks the point?

Now I’m also the first of my kind in some ways. A lot of people who managed me coming up were toxic, yelled a lot, made work feel unsafe or uncomfortable, harassed staff, slept with staff, you name it. Now I’m not gonna be the hypocrite who says he’s never slept with a coworker, but never when I was in a leadership position over that person. And never would I again. It’s a line you just don’t cross, what we do for work is hard enough without shitty leaders, it’s supposed to be fun and relaxed, we’re serving food and drink, not fucking saving lives, so if you have this god complex because you can make a good drink, go fuck yourself. Serious, go fuck yourself, I’ve thrown together some new drinks recently that are great, guess what? I don’t give a shit about them, some people will love them, some people will hate them, that’s how food and drink works. As long as people don’t hate the way I treat them I feel good about where I am.

Now in a personal sense I’m also very much the first of my kind. I believe in some traditional values, opening doors for women, paying the check when you go somewhere, walking on the outside of the sidewalk so she can walk on the inside god forbid some asshole drives onto the side walk. I also believe in protecting the people around you, not in like some hero sense, but like you need to be ready to defend yourself or the people you surround yourself with in the event someone disrespects them. See personally you can say whatever you want to me, because there’s nothing you can say to me or about me that’s worse than what I’ve said about myself, hell I’ve literally thought about suicide so I have one up on you. But if I’m out with a friend and you say something rude to them, it’s a different conversation. As toxic as it is I believe men should have the ability to be violent, and the discipline to control that feeling. I’m also the same guy who goes to therapy weekly, so for all my traditional values, I also believe men should talk about their feelings, and should stop being insecure about being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is what connects us as people, not how much you lift or how many girls you sleep with. No one gives a shit dude, Are you okay? do you care for the people around you? do you feel cared for by the people around you? those are the things that matter. Men kill themselves at a shocking rate in this country, and not just by suicide, but by keeping everything they feel and think inside until one day at 48 years old they drop dead of a heart attack. All you had to do was talk about your feelings a little, and maybe not only eat steak like a tough guy, and you could have lived a healthy life. I think too many men in this generation are insecure and lack self-awareness. I know when I’m fucking up, and I know what my insecurities are, I’m not saying I’m some healed specimen, but I’m working to be, I’m working daily to be a better man for the people in my life, for the woman I’ll love some day.

I watched my dad treat my mom like shit growing up, and he still does. That will never be me. This is gonna sound a bit delusional, and I don’t apologize for it, I’m going to be that boyfriend or husband or whatever the fuck, that your friends are gonna say how the fuck did you find him? because I care about people, and once I care about you I probably won’t ever stop, and the people that are in my every day life, I try to make every day of their life better, because I think everyone deserves better, I think everyone deserves a little more grace. We all wake up every day just trying to figure it out and get by. I always wanna be known as the guy who makes life a little easier for the people who allow me the pleasure of being a part of their life. It’s how I know I’ll find the right love some day, because anyone who passes, it’s their loss not mine, and I believe the world works the way it’s supposed to.

Go get it if you want it

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.