Tell me, is she prettier than she was on the internet?
Are your conversations cool, like are you even interested?
I know what you are, brighter than the stars
Tell me if she takes you far
Far enough away from all the baggage you’ve been carrying
Up another hill to all the girls who’ll help you bury it
They’re just blowing smoke, I’ll say what they won’t
I’ll know everything they don’t

And I find your books pretentious now
At the time they’d fed the fantasy
I was so impressed at your hotel
Took a drag and read aloud to me
And you knew my last love let me down
It was your one perfect opening
And I bet you think about me now
When you should be sleeping

She is definitely prettier than she was on the internet, she’s also nothing like how she presents on the internet. On the internet if you were to judge a book by its cover you’d think she’s just another one of “those” girls with blonde hair and a spray tan, but she’s so much more. She’s intelligent, in a way that sometimes I have trouble keeping up, the conversation is always interesting because I care about what she has to say. I care about what she’s thinking and feeling, and sometimes she gives facts that are wild to learn.

She takes me far, far enough away from all the baggage I’ve been carrying, Which is honestly an impressive feat. I’ve been carrying baggage from childhood, and my dog dying, and my last relationship, but the second she’s in my presence, my phone goes into do not disturb mode, and none of that stuff exists. I’ll give you a great example.

It’s been well over a year since I’ve been to medford, and as much as I’ve wanted to go there, I’ve always had this thing in my head that if I went I’d have a panic attack because I wasn’t doing well the last time I was there, she doesn’t know this, but when we went there today I was so focused on listening to her and like just being present that I didn’t feel any anxiety, and now I get to go to places I haven’t been in a while because I was afraid of panic attacks and now I know I won’t have them.

I think in my position professionally, I do have woman approach me in a certain way and I genuinely do feel flattered by it, but they’re just blowing smoke, and she’s not. She’s honest, sometimes brutally, and I’d rather that than you hide what you actually feel. For me I think there’s a way to develop a good relationship or friendship with someone and it’s by being direct.

She knows my last love let me down, and I know her last love let her down, it’s actually how I’ve become this character in her life. And for a second there I won’t lie, I thought it was my one perfect opening, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t because it’s more important to me to help her in the healing, than to be the guy who’s there when her guy leaves her high and dry. Maybe that was a bad move that leaves me friend zoned forever, but I’ll know the world is a better place with a healed version of her, and I can accept the defeat of the friend zone, do I know that I’ll always handle it well? No, but I’m not going to try to convince anyone to let me take them on a date or whatever people do now, because I know my worth, and there’s one of me and millions of the bros. There’s also one of her and millions of “those” girls so sometimes it’s a harder pill to swallow than others, but ultimately, you cant force anyone to feel a certain way.

I won’t lie though, I do think about her when I should be sleeping, I’ve had a few restless nights since becoming close with her.

She’s the only person I’ve ever met worth losing sleep over.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.