Don’t take kindness for weakness
Make me stronger, no weakness
I just need you to believe in

I just need you to be happy
I know you won’t steer me wrong

We had a food blogger in today, and I always get stressed when that happens, only to realize I’m good at what I do, and good at making sure people have a good time. This one was different though.

She brought in a professional camera and was taking pictures, etc. She even filmed me making a cocktail which is where I get nervous, but for the first time in my life of making cocktails for a camera I didn’t blush or get nervous I did it perfect.

I always sit down and chat with the bloggers, do my whole speech about the bar program, how I approach the drink list, how I approach the drinks etc.

This is where things got different.

I ended up sitting with her and her friend for like an hour and we went from talking about drinks to talking about politics and everything in between. What I realized in that time is I’m a male feminist(GROSS). We just talked about how like even though Joe Biden can’t remember his name like he’s the lesser of two evils, and I told them how my decision of who I vote for simply comes down to who will do more for the women in my life.

I think reproductive rights are important, I think equal pay is important, and I think as a country, and as a society in a lot of ways we take women for granted.

Now during that time I had a big breakthrough of how I got here.

My dad.

My dad was the angry guy always fighting with my mom and super controlling and possessive. As I became an adult I just realized whoever I wanted to be I didn’t want to be that guy, and that’s why I feel it so important for me to like be in therapy, and always getting female prospective on things, that could also be why my sister likes to call me gay and I like fashion, but at the end of the day that shit doesn’t matter.

Taking care of a women isn’t about the idea that a woman can’t take care of herself, because most straight women are taking care of themselves, and their boyfriends husbands whatever. Taking care of a woman is like taking care of something expensive and precious. You do it as respect, not because you need to but because you want to, because you think they deserve it. I’ll be the first to admit I’m a better version of myself when I have a strong woman in my life, and I’m slowly getting to the point of exploring that option again.

Ultimately what it comes down to is making sure I do the work both before and during the relationship in therapy and things like journaling so that I never end up that guy, the selfish, controlling, angry asshole.

What an exciting revelation, and who ever thought that would come from a conversation with someone critiquing my drinks and place of work.

Tryna keep it simple, we so lavish
Good for my mental, doing magic
Let’s find a spot somewhere in Paris
Move to the mountains far from madness for you

Treat you with care, I can’t be careless

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.