I usually start these little thoughts with lyrics, I’m going to skip lyrics on this one because I think the title says it all.

I want to be a better man.

I think sometimes, in the pursuit of being better at something, it’s hard to always hold yourself accountable, I think you can get lost in the day to day motions of life and before you know it you’re behaving in a way you wish you weren’t.

I have someone I work with, and I only share this blog with like 30 people so I feel free to say this, but I have someone I work with, who is a “man” and a lot of who he is makes it challenging to be his manager.

He’s one of our bartenders and I guess at first I thought he just didn’t know enough knowledge to make drinks correctly, I didn’t think it was out of militia or a lack of caring that he was doing things wrong, and I guess that’s me trying to see the good in people. Well, I bought him books, I’ve taken extra time aside with him to show him how to build rounds, etc, etc.

Recently I found out from a lovely guest, who if we’re airing it out and being honest, I fancy, that this gentleman is anything but. In her presence he said inappropriate slurs, talked about drug use, talked about women inappropriately, and even made an odd gesture towards her that made her uncomfortable.

Ultimately what you do outside of work is your own business, and it’s why I don’t go out with staff members or anywhere staff members might be after work, I can’t take the chance of becoming biased against someone because of who they are when they aren’t working.

Then last night happened.

Last night as the two closing bartenders closed the bar they were chatting, as they should, I was off in the corner writing my nightly manager log, checking numbers, my normal little routine.

I could hear them talking, because they can’t be left to their own devices, and I heard what I would consider not only inappropriate conversation, but offensive. One of the bartenders said “I just love pussy, it’s the only thing I need in life.” and regularly is trying to get out the door as fast as possible to go get fucked up and try to sleep with someone. Look at the end of the day if that’s your life that’s your life.

It really made me think a bit though. Have I ever treated a woman as if she was her genitals and nothing else?

Maybe as a teenager, but as I sit here today I would identify as “demisexual” which I’m sure is where I lose a lot of you. Basically it means you need some sort emotional connection with someone before you’d consider having sex with them. I don’t understand one night stands, or just hooking up, I find it all a bit strange.

So last night as I drove home baffled by the way this man talked about women I realized something,

I had recently hung out with a woman in a very casual setting, but I was a bit of a dick. I don’t believe it was intentional I think it was me putting up walls to protect myself from getting hurt, ultimately hurting or offending another person in the process.

It made me think that I’d like to be a better man, and I don’t just mean for the women I may date in the future, but for all women. I work for a woman, and I respect the shit out of her, I respect that her road to where she is today was harder because she’s a woman, I get bothered when people speak down to her because she’s a woman.

I guess after that conference about hospitality I attended I realized that I wouldn’t call myself a feminist because that feels a bit of a stretch, but I will always stand up for the respect of women, and hope if I’m ever out of line the woman in question calls me on my shit, because I deserve to be called out for that, as does every other man.

Ultimately, when I fire this bartender it’ll be because of lack of performance, not because he’s a piece of shit, but if I got push back about firing him, I’d quit before I’d continue working with him. I’d rather have my integrity and morals and no job, than a job that makes me make decisions against what I truly believe in.

I want to be a better man.

I need to be a better man.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.