I don’t start it but I can tell you how it ends
Don’t get sad, get even
So on the weekends
I don’t dress for friends
Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

I think revenge is a bit petty, that being said, I’m not above it. The irony of the song choice and what I’m about to write about is pretty good.

A few days ago I went to Hook & Line for dinner, the owner, Tom, is also the owner of Alcove and was a huge mentor to me for a short period of time. I won’t pretend I didn’t learn things from him, or that he’s not really good at certain things. That being said I have a skill he never will, and that skill caused me to surpass any mentoring he could offer me.

That skill is being human. Tom preaches hospitality and how important it is for the guest to feel that, but Tom misses a crucial part. When you’re looking at things from a ten thousand foot view, you don’t get to interact with every guest. So that means you need to show hospitality to the people you work with directly as much as possible, to keep them not only happy, but feeling comfortable and safe. In leadership, this means making sure your servers, bartenders, bussers, hosts, food runners, and anyone who may come in contact with your guests is taken care of. Tom doesn’t lead that way. He belittles managers in front of service staff, he makes people feel less than, like they’ll never be good enough.

Shit the other day when I left hook & line I thought about quitting my job because there’s no way I’m qualified to lead people and a bar program. I had a serious moment where I felt worthless, all because he wouldn’t take 30 seconds out of his day to say hello.

Now I realize that wasn’t a reflection of me, my abilities or who I am. That was Tom being spiteful, petty, and butt hurt. I worked at alcove to learn from tom, when I had to step away for mental health he was gracious about it. When it was time to return and he told me he couldn’t be my mentor I picked a different road. Clearly he has some unresolved feelings about that, but I picked a different road and it had nothing to do with him.

With all due respect, and let me apologize for sounding a bit cocky. Returning to Alcove without Tom mentoring me would have been a giant waste of my time. I love his current lead bartender as a person. As a professional I am worlds beyond him. His gm only posts pictures of latte art so something tells me I could blow in her ear and she’d thank me for the refill(most of you probably don’t get that joke).

I always felt like if I was the smartest person in the room I was doing something wrong. Honestly, I probably would have been the smartest person in the room most of the time. Alcove may be past its prime, the level of hospitality and knowledge the bar team had when I started, is no longer there.

That being said, I can also be petty and vengeful. I’m not sure if there’s a revenge stage of grief but that’s where I’m at and here’s what I have to say about it:

The odds have been against me my entire life, literally. When my mom was pregnant with me they told her to terminate the pregnancy or she and I would both die. They said I would come out mentally challenged if I made it at all. When I was like 7 my life fell apart and my parents became homeless heroin addicts. I grew up as poor as possible honestly.

The only thing on my side was my work ethic, I can outwork anyone.

Growing up I had plenty of people dislike me for a variety of reasons I’ll never understand. People say things about me that weren’t true, take advantage of me, etc, etc.

When I was 22 I decided I’d no longer let any of that take me down, I’d use it as fuel to keep moving. I told myself I’d buy a house by the time I was 25, bought my house at 24. Told myself I’d get married and have a dog. I lived a great life with a great woman for 6 years, we had a dog, a home, and chickens. That all came crashing down and again, the doubt came back.

Well, I got bad news for you fuckers, I’m back on a war path. I’m going to open my own restaurant by the time I’m 30, that gives me a year and a half. I’m going to buy another house, I’m going to find a wife. Most importantly, I’m going to prove to everyone who ever did me wrong, that I was more capable than they ever could have imagined. the bar program at 1928 will explode. It will be one of the best in the city, state, and hopefully country.

I won’t lose myself in all this, I’ll still remember to have humility and be humble, but it’s time to show some people it was their loss, not mine.

I don’t dress for friends
Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.