She’s wearin’ an old dress, walkin’ it out
Waitin’ for someone to turn her around
But she won’t believe you
When you fall down on your knees

She fell asleep listenin’ to my friends
Talkin’ on and on about how the world ends
Then she wakes up and climbs in my front seat
And she said

“Don’t you wait to try it
Are you scared to find it?
And do you wanna take my broken heart?
Are you scared to start?”

I know I wrote about this song recently, but I listened to it again and heard it a bit differently, and a conversation with a woman at the bar the other day sort of made me think of it differently.

The idea of being scared to start seems to be something most people are scared of. Start a new job. Start a new routine. Move. Whatever it is, starting something scares the shit out of people, myself included sometimes.

I was talking to this woman who’s a neighbor of ours, and works at mass eye & ear. She hates her job, but if she works it for 26 more months all her student debt is forgiven, so she deals with it. I asked her what happens in 26 months. She said maybe I just keep doing it, or maybe I move to Vermont and grow strawberries.

I encouraged her to do the latter.

It made me realize how many people are so scared of stepping out of their comfort zone, and how much I used to do that. Now I try to do at least one uncomfortable thing a day, sometimes something big, sometimes something small.

I think a thing I’ve been working on is trying to find myself in situations where I get rejected of something, because that’s always been a big fear and uncomfortable thing for me. So I push for outlandish ideas at work or whatever, hoping to be told no. I think being told no more will help me grow as a person, and make me more willing to take chances.

What’s the worst she says? no? Oh well

I find it interesting how I’ve reached this point where I’m so sure about where I’m at in life, what I want out of it, my current plan to get those things, and so many people are afraid to even try.

I wish more people would try, myself included. If we don’t try we never know if we’ll reach our full potential. If we stay in our little bubble of safety we may miss something that was meant for us, that life was putting in front of us, and we were too afraid to reach out and take it.

I think for me, the thing I need to try to do is put myself out there more. Both professionally and personally. I keep to myself too much and I think it’s becoming a bit of a problem, or bothering me at the very least.

It’s time for me to shut my brain off for the week. Tomorrow starts a new one that is going to be hectic.

Let’s all try to start something tomorrow.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.