Too many hours in the night
Every second is about her
Every thought is wrapped around her
Too many feelings in the light
I just need a new distraction
And I like the way you dancing

I’ll give you what’s left to me
‘Cause you feel so heavenly
I don’t know what’s best for me
But maybe it’s time

I need a new angel
The touch of someone else to save me from myself
I need a new angel
A touch I never felt, baby, can’t you tell that
Each time I close my eyes
She’s in there running wild
I’m hoping you get her out of my mind
I need a new angel
I need a new angel

Ok, I have to open with a few thoughts that have nothing to do with what I’m writing about.

First, I heard this song in a store today returning pants because fuck dress pants, I wear dark blue jeans to work and balance it with fancy boots and a vest.

Second, when I first hear this song I thought it was post malone because I couldn’t hear all that well.

Third, 8 months ago when I was talking with a friend about the idea of doing this, and being too scared to do it, I’d never have thought I’d be writing my 160th post, so that’s kinda fun. Maybe some day I’ll make a book out of them.

Now for the real reason we’re all here, and it does seem there’s more of us than usual based on views. Last night I talked about how I’d probably stop writing about this crush because the idea of a crush, while fun, is childish. Until I told the person I’ve been writing about that I was giving up and she said that hurts. It sent a whole new world of thoughts through my brain, most of which I’ve tried to sort through today, and that’s what you’re about to get.

This person has been a bit closed off to me, and I think a lot of people are closed off in general in life, and then there’s me who’s happy to tell anyone anything about me, maybe to a fault.

When we were talking she said she wished she could explain herself but she couldn’t, and I offered her to try. She said she’s an overthinker who hates change, and doesn’t know what she wants or needs.. Sounds like someone I know.

I think the weird thing with dating is that the word dating puts pressure on the situation or the conversation, unnecessary pressure at that. For me dating isn’t about vanity, I don’t care if we go to a fancy restaurant or do something extravagant, or if we just sit and talk, because ultimately I already date a restaurant, it’s my job and I spend a lot of my time with her. If I am that interested in dating you that I make the effort, it’s because I want to know YOU. what keeps you up at night, what you love, what you hate, what you look forward to in life. What makes you smile, what makes you sad. For me it’s about what it’s supposed to be about, human connection. I like to know people, and I think the more we can learn about other people the more we can learn about ourselves, and it changes the way we see the world.

To the lyrics of this song, there are too many hours in the night. I have trouble sleeping because when I’m going to bed I’m already ready to wake up, I already have things I want to do, and as the night goes on, more and more people go to sleep and before you know it you’re alone with whatever thoughts are bouncing around your head. For me sometimes that’s good and sometimes it’s really bad.

When I’m out during the day running around and headed to work, I almost feel like I see the world in this romantic way these days, like I find myself living in a day dream, which brings up a lot of feelings that I need to be distracted from, which is why I do what I do for a living, amongst other reasons.

When she told me she wasn’t sure what she wanted or needed I really felt that after my last relationship. I don’t know what’s best for me, but maybe it’s time to explore a new relationship in some sense with someone, because otherwise I’m going to continue working too much and at some point I’m sure I’ll burn out.

The line I’ll give you what’s left of me, cause you feel so heavenly, is maybe one of the only ones I don’t agree with. I think if you care about someone on that level, and you think that highly of them, you don’t give them what’s left, you give them the most.

I think had I not spent so much time trying to understand who I am, what I want, what I need, and ultimately who I want to be, then I’d probably end up in a place where I’m giving someone what’s left of me.

The thing is, I ended a really big chapter of my life over the last year, and refilled my cup, so what’s left of who I was is nothing, it’s gone. I’m a new person, with new goals, and different morals, and different values. I spent so much time in the dark that I’m no longer that negative person I used to be, things are light, and life is not as bad as people make it out to be. Of course I’ll always have a piece of me that is annoyed by my new found optimism. I think in order to keep it though,

I need a new angel.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.