You and me, we come from different worlds

But there’s nothin’ I can do
I’ve been lookin’ for a girl like you

You look at me, you got nothin’ left to say
I’m gonna pout at you until I get my way

Post Malone might be my most played artist on my Spotify wrapped this year. First time in a decade it won’t be city and colour, but who gives a shit about that anyways.

Usually when I write these things, I pick a song, I pick one verse or chorus and I go off that. This song picked me, and the verses and chorus as a composed piece of music wouldn’t hit all the points I want to hit.

Now I’ll say, as a 28(?) year old man, saying I have a “crush” is amongst the most embarrassing things I can say. The whole thing makes me sick, but at the same time I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic.

I imagine taking a woman, a specific woman, on a date, and opening the car door for her, pulling out her chair at the restaurant, all that dumb shit you see in movies. I can honestly say in 28 years I’ve never wanted to do this thing with someone so bad, and it’s a confusing feeling.

Her and I do come from very different worlds, she travels, she went to college, from what I know came from a normalish household, the whole thing. I dropped out of high school to bartend, my parents are recovering addicts, my sister adopted me, I have terrible anxiety, I don’t travel much, and I work like a psycho.

I don’t think coming from different worlds is one of those things that matters, or it shouldn’t matter in my opinion. Sure my parents were heroin addicts, one of my sisters still is, and I had a bizarre childhood, but all it did was make me a better person. Not better than her, because she is stunning, but better than I would have been if I had a “normal” upbringing. It made me enjoy taking care of people, empathetic, compassionate, etc. It made me see the world in a way where I think everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, once that benefit runs out I have no problem giving it to you though. Kindness is not a weakness, so they say.

In my last relationship, when I met her, who she was, I thought I wanted. As time went on I realized it wasn’t what I wanted. I want someone a little more careless, someone who isn’t afraid to live. I think that’s sort of the opposite of how I am, and it’s how I’m trying to learn to be.

I had a couple of regulars come in last night, and it’s funny we got on the topic of dating, and I said I’d like to date, but I also work too much, and overall am always on the go, so dating is hard. I also don’t like dating apps, so it’s near impossible to date without those fucking things. What’s funny though, is when I was talking to them about wanting to date, it was about wanting to date a specific person. The gentleman said, in a place like this women are going to throw themselves at you, and I’ve had a couple of those encounters, while they’re very flattering, they’re not what I want. I want something specific, and like the lyrics say, I’m going to pout until I get it.

I won’t actually pout, it’s one of those things I’ll just accept not having in life and carry on, continue working too much, see where this job takes me, so far it’s taking me on a one way ticket to a Forbes article. I don’t think that’s a small feat, but ultimately not what makes me feel fulfilled at the end of the day either. I’d rather fulfillment than vanity.

You can call me your fool
I only wanna be with you

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.