I never thought that I would find a way out
I never thought I’d hear my heartbeat so loud
I can’t believe there’s something left in my chest anymore
But goddamn, you got me in love again

I used to think that I was made out of stone
I used to spend so many nights on my own
I never knew I had it in me to dance anymore
But goddamn, you got me in love again

Well, I’m as in love as I’ve ever been. Just not with a person, which I’m not sad about.

Today I went on my first in person interview in over a year, went into the heart of Boston for the first time in love 9 months, and I’d love to say it was all rainbows and butterflies, it wasn’t.

When I first left my house today about a half a mile down the road I started to have a bad panic attack and turn around. This panic started to spiral, because I had a place to be and a time to be there. Now that I’m no longer in that moment, I can see that I put myself in that moment. This fear of fear that I have made things seem much much worse than they were. I’d like to say it was easy to make it to the city and I had a great time and all the good things. It wasn’t easy, I struggled pretty hard.

What I’ve realized is, it doesn’t matter how hard I struggled, what matters is I can do hard things, and I made it to the city. I made it to the interview. I fucking crushed the interview.

That interview has me in love again.

It was at Toro in the south end, which if you’re from Boston and even remotely interested in restaurants, you know toro, it’s been there for almost 20 years, and still it remains one of the best Boston has to offer.

Talking with the general manager about sort of how I came up in the industry, and what’s important to me made the conversation flow, effortlessly, we both got these goofy giggles talking about the smallest things you can do to create a big impact on a guest, and how fun it is to sort those things out, and constantly be thinking of new ways to do that.

I know I talk about hospitality a lot recently, and how much I love it, but this really reignited the fire. This interview was a gentle reminder that the dark days are coming to an end, and that soon I’ll be reunited with hospitality and making the biggest impact I can on the industry. It felt like a safe space, it felt like a safe person I was talking to. It was warm and welcoming and just made me in a silly mood.

Simon Sinek says working hard for something you don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something you love is called passion. It’s how you know you have the right job.

It’s how I know my purpose.

He created something called the golden circle

Why?

How?

What?

Every organization on the planet knows what they do.

Some organizations know how they do it and can clearly explain their processes.

Very few companies can clearly articulate why they do what they do.

Today I realized that I know the answer to all three, and in order to give the answer to all three I had to have a moment of vulnerability in the interview that I’ve never had before.

What do I do? I take care of people.

How do I do that? by providing a safe space free of judgment, with food and drink for them to enjoy themselves.

Why do I do it? Because as a kid my parents were heroine addicts and for a few years I wasn’t cared for. Now my life mission is to take care of as many people as I can, to fill the void in my inner child who wasn’t cared for, who went to bed feeling scared, to went to bed hungry, who didn’t feel safe.

The why is something I’ve always tried to deny but today I embraced it. I do what I do because it wasn’t done for me, and I know how bad that can feel, and I never want anyone to feel unloved or uncared for. So I take care of people to fulfill the part of me that wasn’t taken care of.

Hospitality is so deep and personal to me. During my time dealing with agoraphobia these last months, there were days I didn’t think I’d find a way out.

But god damn, it’s got me in love again.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.