One day, you’ll be lookin’ back
And maybe wish that you were kinder
But ain’t it always just the truth
Oh, that hindsight makes you softer?
I’ve played it back a million times
And always wish that I was wiser
But it’ll be comin’ back to bite you like a dog
You know you better run for cover

‘Cause it goes on and on and on
When you hear this song
And it plays on and on and on
And on all along
When you realize the things that you lack
Better think twice ‘fore callin’ me back
It goes on and on and on

You know, the hospitality industry isn’t known as being a particularly kind place, and ironically, a lot of the people in it can be a bit unkind too. The struggle with this industry in Boston in specifically, is that, well everyone knows everyone. And if I don’t personally know you, I know someone that does.

In one week I’ll have been spending most of my time in restaurants for a full decade, which one makes me feel old, and two makes me think about what the last decade has been like.

I do look back and wish I was kinder, and hindsight is definitely making me softer. I talked with a friend today about someone who could have been a potential employer. They didn’t have good things to say about this guy, and that kinda made me reflect on what some of the people I’ve worked with in the past might say about me.

I think one of the biggest problems the industry faces is that, how a woman might have one view of a male employer, and that point of view may be one a guy has never seen from the same employer, but only because of gender. A light way of saying women get harassed more, and face more struggles in this industry than men do.

Looking back I’m sure I’ve crossed lines that, if I could go back in time I wouldn’t have crossed. I’ve had relationships with past co-workers which is something that I consider to be crossing the line now. I’ve definitely been a huge dickhead to people, and once people label you as certain things it’s hard to get those labels to go away.

I’m not the 18 year old kid I was 10 years ago. From 18-21/22 a lot of my behavior was what I’d consider today to be problematic, but in 2014 as a kid, exposed to this weird industry with late hours and surrounded by alcohol, I thought it was okay. Back then humble pie wasn’t a dish I enjoyed often.

These days I’m different, but I’m sure some of those labels will continue to follow me. Arrogant, asshole, condescending, whatever adjective you want to use to describe me when I had a big ego, those will probably follow me longer than I’d like them to.

Truth is, I’m a less angry, more open and vulnerable person than I was then. Back then I felt like I had a lot to prove and hadn’t been in therapy. I had a lot of unresolved trauma, which isn’t and excuse, nor does it make the way I behaved okay.

At the end of the day the only thing I can do is recognize that at some point in time I was the problem in this industry, and now I want nothing more than to fix that problem in this industry.

For me, I apply for leadership roles because I think it’s my best chance at making a difference. I talk with restaurant owners and operators regularly, even ones I’ve never been employed by about how I can be better, and about how I can end up in a place to lead and inspire others.

As much as I love hospitality and want to inspire others to love it as much as I do, and hopefully make an impact big enough that our guests and community begin to receive better hospitality and service, that agenda comes second.

My biggest hope in a leadership role, is having the opportunity to help make people feel safe at work, because they deserve to be, and because it’ll make the world a better place. I want the safety in the work place to be equal regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, any of it. I think right now the restaurant industry is a safe place for straight white guys, but that’s really it.

I’m sure a lot of industries are this way, but unfortunately I can’t fix the world, I can only make my little corner of it a little better. This coming week I have several interviews and conversations lined up. I hope to be able to remain calm during interviews to be able to articulate what my goals are in leadership, and how I plan to achieve those goals. And the one conversation I have lined up that is with someone I know I won’t work for, I hope to gain insight on how to be a better person, than that person. How to be the solution, not the problem.

‘Cause it goes on and on and on

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.