On the run, not enough
Oh, and it’s so cold
When I give up, I feel love
Right down to my toes

And I see stars that never, ever, ever looked this bright to me
Feeling on your skin never felt this right to me
Holy roller, come on, baby
Someone hold me down

I’m drunk, but not drinkin’
Lost in wishful thinkin’
’Round and ’round and ’round it goes
I can hear them whisperin’
Call, but I’m not listenin’
Oh, and where it goes
Is somewhere no one knows
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Well, Maggie dropped her new album, it’s everything I hoped for, and everything I need right now.

I’m drunk, but not drinkin’

Lost in wishful thinkin’

This might be my favorite two lines of the whole album.

I have definitely felt drunk without drinking….. I think. I’ve never been drunk so I can’t say for certain, but you know when you’re in the northeast for that first nice day after the dreary winter and suddenly it’s sunny, 60 degrees, and you feel a little silly? That’s what I imagine being drunk feels like. I love that feeling, I felt it a couple times in the last week or two.

Lost in wishful thinkin’ is pretty much my constant state. I’m actually lost in wishful thinking right now, all day today. I had this hard and scary decision to make today. I have a couple potential job opportunities, that would mean I don’t return to alcove, I weighed my options, decided I’m scared to take either of them, and the safe option would be going back to alcove.

One of my favorite people in the world, who I met when I was 19, and has been one of the only constants in my life since then, told me a few months ago to do more things that scare me. I emailed alcove and told them I will not be returning. I got emotional, thinking about how much time and energy the owner put into me, the time and energy I put into alcove, and it just wasn’t the right time. I think the last few weeks I was in denial of that, but I’m okay with it now. Now I’m going to go do whatever it is I’m supposed to do next, because life will guide me to where I need to be. I’m scared, nervous, and excited. I think I might finally get the opportunity to teach others, to inspire others, and maybe help some guests make memorable experiences in all of it.

The job I’m interested most in is a lead bartender job at a restaurant in back bay. In my moments of wishful thinking after speaking with the woman who’s doing the hiring about the opportunity, I imagined what I’d say to the staff when first introduced. I’d say something along the lines of:

“I’m really happy to be here with you all, to get to know you, to learn from you, and teach you, and hopefully inspire you. We all have the best job in the world. Our job is to every day, serve guests and in doing that we get to connect with people, help people connect with each other, allow people to blow off steam, relax and let loose. We are paid to throw a party every night, each with a different guest list. Some people will be celebrating, others drowning their sorrows, but either way when someone walks in the door, they’re letting us know that they trust us to show them a good time for the evening, and that’s one of the coolest feelings in the world.”

Put that on my tomb stone, because that’s what working in a restaurant is. Some people come in to celebrate, and for that we have champagne. Some people come in to grieve, and for that we have whiskey, neat. Every guest has a different need and it’s our job to figure out what that need is, to anticipate that need, and meet that need. When they walk in they trust that we’ll meet that need. We won’t always, sometimes we’ll drop the ball, but we pick it back up and keep going. Hospitality is not one size fits all, it’s one size fits one.

That’s my wishful thinkin’

’Round and ’round and ’round it goes

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.