These cold nightmares
They make her worse for wear
Lost in the dark
She’s got a heavy heart

And when she wakes
In her fragile state
Well, she calls my name
Hoping that I keep her safe

All that I can do
Is hope she makes it through
All the I can do
Is hope she makes it through

I think I’ve written about this song before, but not in the way I intend to today. Please enjoy, thanks for being here.

Today was a hell of a day, went out a while, ran errands, just existed comfortably in society for the first time in a long time. Tonight I had dinner with my sister, brother in law, and brother. After dinner whiskey was served(none for me I don’t drink, ok maybe a little but for good reason). As we sat there talking shit and hanging out, like always we started listening to music. A little Justin Timberlake, a little Maggie Rogers, and a whole lot of Dallas Green.

When Dallas wrote this song, he wrote it for his wife who has nasty night terrors he says. For a while when I’d listen to this song I just thought he was talking about nightmares, I didn’t realize there was a difference.

I’ve been having night terrors again. I’ve had them on and off for 8 years or so now. When they’re on I fall asleep later into the night because I’m so afraid of the feeling of waking up to a night terror, that the act of going to sleep is one that makes me unease.

I’m not sure why they come and go, or why I have them at all really. When I was sleeping next to someone every night, I feared them less, there was a comfort in knowing someone was right there if I needed them, if the state of panic warranted waking someone up.

This is the first time I’ve been dealing with night terrors again since I sleep alone, and it’s been the hardest it’s ever been. I can’t sleep, I’m afraid to fall asleep. I watch videos, listen to music, podcasts, anything to keep me from falling asleep in an attempt to avoid this horrible feeling.

Now that I go through this, it’s interesting to listen to it from Dallas’ perspective.

“Well she calls my name, hoping that I keep her safe.”

Truth be told when you’re having a night terror, someone just being there is what keeps you safe. It relaxes you, makes you feel like it’s all okay and you can drift back to sleep.

Now as I listen to it as someone struggling with this sense of safety from this extreme terror, I feel like I’ve been able to see both sides of the story. I miss being on the other side.

All that I can do, is hope I make it through..

Through the night

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.