We’ve reached a day I’ve been dreading for the last year. February 27th, the day I had to put my best pal to rest.

We go through this life and often throughout it the fragility of it doesn’t really hit us the way it should. I think most of our time spent on earth is taken for granted. How often do you think about the fact that you could die any day, at any moment? Probably not very.

I think about it all the time, how if there was a way to know what happens when it ends, maybe I wouldn’t stick around any longer. Like if I knew that when I’m laid to rest I’d be reunited with Presley, I’m not sure how much longer I’d carry on.

That probably sounds darker than I intend it to, and to be honest, darker than I want it to given this is probably my last blog. I’m leaving social media, something sparked by the anniversary of Presley’s death. I’ve been spending the last year of my life trying so hard to remember her, that I haven’t been experiencing life for what it is. It doesn’t make sense to me that it’s only been a year. It feels like it’s been a life time.

I’m tired. I miss her. I always knew some day I’d have to face this, as dog’s don’t live as long as humans, or nearly long enough for that matter.

It’s crazy how you sort of think about something in the back of your mind of a day you’ll have to live, not knowing when, where, or how. Not knowing it would be too soon, in a strange place, under terrible circumstance.

Not knowing that as your life is falling apart in every way possible, the one thing you thought you could count on still having, would also be falling apart. Not knowing that one day you’d go from the most abundant amount of love you’ve ever had in life, to none at all.

I’m not sure where the road from here leads, I’m not sure how I get passed this, honestly I’m not sure if I do get pasted this. Is this that thing that changes me forever? I think there’s a large possibility.

I’d give anything and everything to have one more moment with her, to feel okay for a second, to not feel like life has come crashing down never to be rebuilt. I know I have to rebuild, but the work is exhausting.

For me this journey, at least for now, can’t be about what I want, it has to be about what Presley would want, about the life I’d be living if she were still here. So we rebuild. We break negative habits and learn positive ones. We learn that even though love will always hurt you in the end, it’s worth the feeling during it, for the heartache that follows. That I have it in me to love again, and I should because I deserve that feeling, and whoever receives it also deserves it.

We’ve got a long way to go, for Presley.

To my sweet angel:

I miss you. I love you more than I ever could have expressed. I hope the rumors are true and I’ll see you again some day. I hope wherever your spirit is, you’re happy and healthy.

You’ve got all my love,

Dad.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.