I’ve been experiencing a lack of faith recently, and I don’t just mean religion. I mean faith in myself, faith in my ability to achieve my goals and dreams. Faith in the people around me, that they’ll support me, that they’ll be there for me. I’ve reached this strange space of apathy, where I don’t feel like I can count on anyone, like when I let someone close and they see what’s going on, they leave. Faithless is the name of a city and colour song, in a moment I’m going to share the lyrics. I wish I had my own words to really convey what I feel, but I don’t, so here are the words of Mr. Dallas Green to explain it for me:

Please believe in what I say
Cause I’m running out of ways to convey
This lack of faith in myself
That’s becoming my own personal hell

Vicious cold now settles in
My bones feel like their breaking through my skin
Well god damn you you’re feeding on my loneliness
What an awful way to live, what a way to live

Get me out of this place
Cause I’m stuck in a rut and I can’t stomach the taste
My lungs are filling up with dust
I feel bruised and broken with no one left to trust

Vicious cold now settles in
My bones feel like their breaking through my skin
God damn you you’re feeding on my loneliness
But I will not let you in, I won’t let you in

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.