You know I’ve been thinking recently, I’ve had a few people come back into my life that were once a big part of it, some of those people I treated less than ideal when they were in my life previously. It’s made me think about how there are a lot of people I have things I want to say to, but I’m afraid(surprise surprise). I’m afraid they’ll reject the apology, or any thoughts I may have about who I was then and who I am now, and how I’m not over the past because it doesn’t represent me right now, the me I’ve become. Anyways, I guess this is what I’d say to one of them if I had the chance.

“Dear,

It’s been a minute, and I hope you’ve been well. I’m writing to say sorry, and part of you probably wonders what for. When we were… whatever you call that back then I treated it as a game, and you were the piece I used. I used you as a point, as the butt of the joke, and not only is that not fair, but it’s so unbelievably wrong. Clearly it didn’t slow you down, you seem to be finding your success, and making me regret my decisions. Instead of treating you as a human and getting to know you, and what made you happy, sad, mad, or kept you up at night I used you. For physical connection, as a way to bond with the boys over the fact that we were getting the same snapchats of you and making jokes about it. It was really shitty, and it doesn’t reflect the person I’ve grown into. I guess when you’re 16 or 17 there’s a reason you’re not an adult or allowed to make decisions. You make poor ones. Who you’ve grown up to become is a person I’ll probably never get to know truly, but always be curious about. How was her journey to becoming a successful beaut? It’s interesting sometimes when I text and don’t get an answer I get offended, then I remember you don’t owe me a damn thing, and the fact that you’re willing to give me the time of day sometimes is even something of a surprise. I just wanted you to know how sorry I was, how if I had met you now, I’d get to know you, and who you are, before getting to know your body and skipping over everything I consider to be important now. I hope your journey is one filled with love, and happiness. I hope you find everything you’re looking for. Someone will be lucky to have you.

All my best,

J.”

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.