Hello!

I wasn’t going to write today, but I guess I also don’t really choose when I write, I think most times it chooses me, a thought clicks, something happens, I hear a song, and I have thoughts I need to let out, that’s what this is.

Last night during my doom scrolling I came across a video of Post Malone & The Kids LAROI playing the song “Bleed” together. Bleed is a song of sir LAROI’s new album, titled “The First Time”. Do you see where I’m going with this?

The song was so good, it is so good, it’s so beautifully sad, I’ve listened to it so many times already.

Over the last few days I’ve been thinking about participating in the Pennebaker writing protocol. There’s two ways to do it but basically, you sit down and write about the worst thing that has ever happened to you for 15 minutes, no stopping unless absolutely necessary, write no matter what, don’t think just write. You do this a total of 4 times. You can either do it 4 days in a row, or 1 day a week for 4 weeks.

The problem I’ve been having with committing to this writing protocol, is that I can’t decide what the worst thing that’s ever happened to me is. Was it my parents doing drugs during my childhood? Was it my fiancé leaving me for someone else two months before our set wedding date? OR was it my dog getting cancer and me losing her too?

I think the hard part is the whole heroin during my childhood thing is probably the hardest, but it’s so far in the past, that I’ve already made peace with it. The fiance and the dog? I’m not sure I’ve made peace with either of those, and I’d like to make peace with one of them for sure.

Now is where I become conflicted. Do I write in my normal style, and say fuck the protocol that has been proven to help with mental health and positivity, OR do I write in the style of the protocol and it is what it is?

I’m conflicted because, if I took The Kid LAROI(who’s name is increasingly annoying to type out) and I used his new album and went song by song to tell the story of my past relationship, how I feel about it, trying to heal, it’s going to be a better story. If I do the Pennebaker protocol, it might be a better result for me personally.

I’ve always loved the idea of telling stories, and writing, so I want to start a series on Where The Skies Are Gold Not Gray titled: The first time and dig deep into the last 7 years of my life through the lens of my romantic relationship. Not to toot my own horn but it would be a good story, because it would be brutally honest, and there would be no secrets. I think it’s a fun idea, that allows me to heal, and maybe help others heal because, well we’ve all gone through heart break, yea?

I hope to have an answer by the end of the evening, so I can begin the week tomorrow with whatever I choose.

Any thoughts or input is always welcome.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.