Let down the rope ’cause we fell in
Let down the rope
Hanging ’round the wishing well
It’s a slippery slope
And I let go
Let go
Let go
Let go of it

Welcome!

I’m trying something new, kinda. Bear with me, I hope that’s the correct bare/bear/beer, hah. If it’s not, get over it, I dropped out of high school to join the family business.

Anyways!

This new thing I’m trying

Tonight is a full moon, not the moon we want, butt the moon we got.

Let’s get serious.

I’ve been dabbling in the crystal and astrology world, and if you’d like to pass judgement for that, you can get the fuck out and turn your t-shirt in at the door.

Anyways this is me deflecting because I’m about to talk about some things I’m honestly not sure of, and I’m going to try something that requires me to be vulnerable, and that all makes me feel very weird.

Manifesting

Ever heard of it?

Apparently you can sort of… talk into existence what you want in your life? Maybe let go of some shit that’s not serving you well and full moons are a good time to do it.

This being the second to last full moon of the year and me growing painfully impatient, there’s no time like the future. I’m going to share with you some things, things I’d like to let go of, things I’d like to welcome with open arms, all the things. Now I know this isn’t like making a wish in a movie where I wake up tomorrow and suddenly I’m not agoraphobic, I’m going to work, and jiu jitsu, and I love myself and have found the right love for me during this season of my life, HOWEVER, that is what I want.

What I do want:

Let’s start with what we do want in our lives, it’s probably just going to be a list, some things I might take a lil dive into, but overall just a general idea.

I’d like to be more confident

More self loving

More at peace

I want balance

I want love(not really sure the extent of this one)

I want another dog(hopefully Santa is listening)

I want to feel okay

I want to be sure in my ability to show up for myself

I want to be more disciplined

More motivated

More present

I’d like to really create the circle of the right people around me(accepting applications)

I’d like to feel closer to nature

I’d like to travel

I’d like to learn to be uncomfortable

I’d like to be comfortable being uncomfortable

NOW

What I’d like to let go of:

Hate

Anger

Negativity

Anxiety

The past

Control

Fear

Worry

Hopelessness

See I have to explain some of this, because if I don’t, it won’t feel right to me.

When I say I’d like to travel and I’d like to let go of fear, those go hand in hand. I’ve never been on a plane and if I die having never been on a plane I’m going to be a little pissed if I’m being honest. I’d like to see Chicago, and Los Angeles, I’d like to visit Tom in Northern California(those that don’t know Tom used to be my boss, and is without question the best person I’ve ever met, I can’t wait til I’m a mid 50’s wiseman) I wanna go to Japan(a recent realization). I can’t do any of that without first letting go of control, then fear, and then leaning in to being uncomfortable. It’s so fascinating how I just sat here and listed things off the top of my head, but my subconscious listed things that are all connected. I want to let go of hate and anger, to make room for love and peace. I want to replace anxiety with feeling okay. It’s all connected, and that’s why I’ve always tried to embrace bad times. Without bad times, there are no good. I truly believe that, I always have. Without bad times, there are just times, and I don’t know about you but that sounds terribly mundane to me.

I’m not sure how you’re supposed to manifest, if it’s like a birthday wish where you don’t tell anyone, in which case, fuck me, right?

I don’t know if you’re supposed to write it with pencil or pen, I guess pencil because then you are using graphite on paper, and those things come from the earth, they come from the thing you’re asking for help. I don’t know if you’re supposed to do it outside, or at a certain time.

I’m approaching manifesting like I am writing, yea I’m not great at it, I make spelling errors, and my grammar is terrible, but when I was in English class I was busy having panic attacks, so I’ll learn now. If you look back to my first blog, or even first few, and compare it to some of the more recent ones, there’s progress. I’m still not on the New York Times best selling list, but patience is a virtue I’m trying to practice, we have time.

The thing I hope most, is that those of you reading, continue to do so, I hope that is helps you when you’re down, and is a little extra treat when you’re feeling good, I hope you recognize that life happens to all of us, and we’re all dealing with it our own way. I hope that you find peace, and positivity, even if it means there’s none left for me. I’d rather you have it, because I’ll learn to get by without it, if that’s what the universe decides.

Thank you so so much for being here, it truly means the most.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.

PS I made a lot of progress today, I can’t wait to share it with you tomorrow.

Talk soon.