Helloooooo

I just finished my run for the day, a run I didn’t want to do, but had to do. I’m doing the 60 mile challenge for Movember. 60 miles in the month of November. 1 mile for each man that commits suicide per hour, globally.

Surely I didn’t actually HAVE to run, but I did, you know? I know what it’s like to be one of those guys that’s thinking of giving up right now, or is giving up right now. October 25th of last year I almost gave up, I was uncomfortably close, and there’s still days those thoughts creep in on me, so I suffer through running, it’s a healthier way of dealing with my shit, and it’s a way to experience gratitude, I’m grateful that the hardest part of most of my days this month was running a couple miles, it doesn’t begin to compare to the struggle of those thoughts.

While I was running a part of me began thinking about toxic culture, words that are deemed toxic by people who have a big problem with “toxic masculinity”. I don’t put that in quotes because I don’t believe in it. I saw some shit on the internet the other day of one of those guys who claims men need to suffer more and do hard shit and lift weights and blah blah fucking blah. That guy said he doesn’t tip male “waiters” because he doesn’t believe it’s a mans job.

Well sir, I know you and your tough persona are trying to show off some “big dick energy” but I have terrible terrible news for you, your insecurity is showing through the zipper of your pants. You hunt so that makes you a man? Let’s see you take an 8 table section during a playoff game at Alcove. Let’s see you take any size section at any restaurant during the rush, you would not only fail, you’d crumble under the pressure. This blog isn’t about how grueling restaurant work can be, so I won’t continue, but just know sir, I could learn to shoot a bow faster than you could learn the drink recipes that have remained in my head for the last decade.

Anyways, I got to thinking about this “toxic culture” where words like discipline are looked at as negative, and people try to spin the narrative using different words. And I thought:

Is some level of “toxicity” good?

I just did a run I didn’t want to do. I physically and mentally feel like trash today, I just started a new anti depressant and it’s making me tired and nauseous, so motivation wasn’t an option today, but neither was skipping the run.

Discipline is what got me to run today, and now I feel a little better.

Discipline is what got me in the 33 degree cold bath today, and I felt better after.

I came across this, let’s call it, motivational speech on Spotify the other day by chance. it’s about 4 minutes long and it’s about not giving up, it’s titled keep going, and I’m going to type at least some of it out so we can talk about it. See below:

When you feel like giving up, Don’t.

When you thinking about giving up, don’t.

When it looks like you’re not going to make it, keep going.

When they tell you you can’t, who are they?

When they tell you you’re not going to make it, don’t believe them.

You got to be relentless.

Don’t give up.

Stay in it.

Stay focused.

Quitting guarantees failure.

Once you quit it rules out any chance of succeeding.

The mere waking up every day putting one foot in front of the other,

At least keeps you in the game.

You can choose in the midsts of all of this to be happy,

in spite of life’s challenges.

A lot of us because of our limited vision of ourselves begin to focus

on problems and enable them to overwhelm us.

We begin to think we have no options.

We began to believe there’s no way out.

Well guess what?

There’s always a way.

Now some may view what’s written above as toxic, but is it? Or is the truth sometimes hard to hear?

I think we’ve begun to live in this place where if one person is offended by something, it can be deemed toxic or a problem, but I think at some point someone is going to say something you don’t like, and at some point we need to accept that.

I view this from a lens of science more than anything.

According to Andrew Huberman, someone I often listen to and respect, who has a phd and does a ton of research into important things we need in every day life, doing hard things intentionally is good for us. It prepares us to deal with the hard things life throws at us that we can’t avoid.

In that sense is a little bit of toxicity okay?

Is it okay to say things like:

It’s important to be disciplined because motivation isn’t going to be there every day?

Do hard things, prepare yourself for the inevitable hard times?

I think I look at it in two different ways right:

I’m not saying “man up and do hard things” that I would say is toxic.

Just because I’m born with a certain body means I need to act a certain way?

Means I need to work out and bottle up my feelings?

No, I’m still human.

I’m still going to experience heart ache, and hard times, and sad times.

Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about how you feel.

It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry.

Let that shit out.

I cry all the time, I cry when I’m happy for others, I cry when I’m sad for others, I hate crying but I do it all the time.

I hate crying because my dad used to yell at me for it. I’m not saying that.

So be vulnerable, but also, be disciplined, be accountable, take accountability for all your actions, good and bad.

Do hard shit, not because you’re a man, but because life is full of adversity, and if you don’t prepare for it, you may not be able to handle it when it comes.

That’s okay too, it’s ok to stumble, hopefully you have people around you to pick you back up.

I guess for me there’s a difference.

Telling people to do hard things isn’t toxic.

Telling people to be disciplined isn’t toxic.

Telling people to work out isn’t toxic.

It’s how you say it that decides if it’s toxic or not, right?

Am I wrong?

At this very moment I wish this was an open forum for discussion, my questions are genuine.

Think about it, let me know where you stand.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.