Hey,

Thanks for being here.

You don’t remember everything in your life, you just remember moments, you want to create those moments.

I just had a moment, I probably won’t remember it for the rest of my life, but I remember it now, and it reminded me I started this blog last night, and I might have cultivated enough thoughts in that moment to finish this blog.

The weather is borderline perfect in Weymouth today, 60 degrees and sunny, a light breeze rustling the leaves, these are the moments I’ll remember when I’m old, and my time is coming.

I just went outside and sat against a tree in the grass, felt the sunshine on my face, ate some dried mango, and drank some water because I may have over done it exercising today. For a minute my mind was kinda blank, it didn’t feel like I was thinking about anything, just sort of existing. I realized I used to have these moments all the time, I just to enjoy just existing, sitting and thinking, being grateful just to be alive, free from the past. And then I realized what stole these moments away from me.

Anxiety.

My stupid monkey brain and its unregulated fear has taken away one of the most beautiful things life has to offer, just sitting by a tree. Even as I write this I keep getting lost in thought looking at the tree out my window, a big ass oak tree who refuses to shed its leaves.

I now realize why I have more questions than answers these days, I’m not spending enough time just sitting and existing, no phone, no distractions, just existing. That’s where the answers are, they’re waiting for you to get lost in space, letting your mind just wander, not afraid of any of the thoughts that may come up.

When I first moved in with my sister, on days like today I’d go lay in the hammock and read, my nervous system must have been slightly more regulated then, because it was always so relaxing I’d fall asleep in the hammock, wind whistling by, book still in my hand. it was relaxing, it might have been the only time I’ve ever been relaxed.

I guess I see now I miss that, I miss sitting in the sunshine, and just being, not too worried about what I’d feel next, or what was to come, just being in the moment.

I now think the secret to happiness is moments, moments and sunshine.

You ever let your dog outside on a sunny day?

Presley would go outside on sunny days and just sit in the sun for hours, happy as could be, not a care in the world.

I think we can learn something from dogs, maybe sitting in the sunshine, just being, is the key to happiness, the secret to being relaxed.

I still have a hard time just sitting in the sunshine because my monkey brain gets anxious, but I’m gonna continue to find the opportunity to enjoy these moments.

You should too.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.