Welcome back,

Thanks for being here.

Last night in a sort of hazy state somewhere between asleep and awake I had an idea for a blog. Like an asshole I said I don’t need to write it down I’ll remember in the morning. Morning came and guess who couldn’t remember?

I’ve spent a majority of the day going back and forth between two thoughts: what the hell did I want to write about last night? And are there things or feelings you should keep to yourself?

Look I’m certainly one to bottle things up, and it’s done me no good to this point. However the month of November has been a bizarre one thus far. I’ve come to a lot of realizations, a lot of emotions are coming up, and now I have to figure out what to do about them.

Normally this blog is where I unleash all my thoughts, and feelings, no matter how good or bad.

Today I was wondering though..

Are some things better left unsaid?

I want to say no, honestly. That’s my gut feeling. The vulnerable me, buried deep inside, says you have to take risks, sometimes you have to say things, even though there’s a chance they won’t be heard the way you want them to be, even if there’s a chance you don’t get the response you were hoping for.

I’ve been pondering the thought of vulnerability the last few days, the pros and cons of it. What things are worth being vulnerable for? What things aren’t?

Have you ever had someone give you advice, or sort of explain what you have to do to get where you want to be in life, and their words touch your soul? Leaving you longing to talk to them more, about the deep things, wondering if you can get to a point of touching each other’s souls more?

What is that?

Is that what love is?

Have you ever met someone who was, genuine? Curious? Beautiful?

I don’t mean beautiful on the outside, I mean the type of person that them existing gives you hope, makes you want to be a better person just because? I guess in this case I’m also talking about beauty on the outside but that isn’t my point.

What do you do with these feelings?

What do you do when you have a conversation with someone that opens your eyes, that gives you hope, makes you want to be better, not for any personal gain, but just because it’s what we’re supposed to do as humans?

Do you tell them? Even if you know you may receive a less than ideal response? Do you become vulnerable and risk the fear of rejection?

Is it more important that this person knows, not only how you feel, but what a special person they are? Is that more Important than your fear of rejection?

I guess I’ve left with more questions than answers, but if you look without trying too hard, the answers are somewhere, I think.

Anyways, per usual I’ll leave you with some lyrics:

Not everything you say,

Should be heard.

Some things should stay,

Buried in the dirt.

And when there is no target for your anger,

Could it be that you’re the one who’s hurt?

So many fucking pointless conversations,

About who’s right or wrong,

You or me.

Every mirror it hides a different reflection,

We’ve all got faces we don’t like to see.

But I’ll take shelter,

In the quiet beauty,

Of a silent night.

When the sun has had some time to set,

And worry has left my mind.

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.