I just finished my run for day 4 of November. We are 10 miles in, I feel good, sweaty, looking forward to the cold plunge I’ll take directly after this, but I’m feeling good. That’s not why I’m here. I had a wave of thought come over me during the cool down period of my run, and I couldn’t put off writing this in case I forget or it goes away.

This message I’m about to write is a reminder, a reminder for you, for me, for everyone who has ever struggled in life, anyone who has ever not felt good enough, felt shame about mental illness, their body, anything. This message is a realization I just had and it applies to all of us.

You are more than good enough.

The anxiety is not who you are, it doesn’t make you any less of a person.

The panic isn’t who you are, it doesn’t make you any less of a person.

The depression isn’t who you are, it doesn’t make you any less of a person.

Needing a day to yourself is more than okay, it’s normal.

Needing reassurance is more than okay, it’s normal.

You are not any of your traumas, you are not your past.

You’re you, you are you right now, what you choose to do with that is up to you.

Whatever you do choose is more than good enough. You are good enough.

Anxiety attacks, panic attacks, depressive episodes don’t define you as a person.

The society we live in may look down on some of these things but guess what?

It’s okay to tell those people to fuck off, I’m serious.

These are all thoughts I just realized. As I continue to push myself to break this episode of agoraphobia I’ve been in, I realized just because I have unregulated fear in my brain from what happened to me as a child, just because I have unregulated fear in my body because of what happened to me as a child, it doesn’t make me broken, it doesn’t make me less than. It makes me human, it makes me normal if anything. I’ve been hard on myself to hurry back to work, I’m going to beat the agoraphobia, even if it takes longer than I want to, I am stronger than it, and I am more stubborn, so I will beat it. And however long it takes, that’s okay, I’m still good enough, I’m still worth giving and receiving love. I’m still worth being respected, and it almost 28 years for me to feel that way.

So have hope, if you don’t feel that way today, keep fighting, you will some day.

Pinkies up!

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.

P.S. I had plans for a different blog about mental health, so that may come later today. Thanks for reading.