Do you believe people listen enough?

I’m wearing what I call my sad sweater, because this passage is going to be about some heavy things. The sweater doesn’t make me feel sad, but I like to wear it when I am sad, as if it has big lettering on it that says “I am sad” it doesn’t. It’s just a long, comfy, woman’s sweater, that I scored for a pretty cheap price. My sister has made comments about why I would wear a woman’s sweater. I wear what I like, and what makes me feel comfortable is the short answer.

Let’s get into it.

Do you believe people listen enough?

I recently read a blog post from my favorite writer, and the reason I write, Kimbra. Kimbra is most known for her vocals on “somebody that you used to know”, but she has a bunch of music of her own, very good, thought provoking music. She writes too, she has a blog where she shares poems, thoughts, things that inspire her. It inspired me to start this whole thing, and it’s inspired this specific passage.

Do you believe people listen enough?

Kimbra’s recent blog was about going to see a Sinead O’Connor tribute show. For those that don’t know, Sinead was a a wonderful singer songwriter, who battled a long time with mental health. Her official diagnosis was bipolar. In 2017 she had admitted to trying to take her own life 8 times over the course of a year after a hysterectomy. In January of 2022 her 17 year old son Shane went missing. Days after he was found dead. Cause of death: Suicide. The following year, in 2023, July, Sinead was found dead in her apartment. No cause of death released. A week prior she had gone online to say that since the death of her son, she had “been an undead creature of the night”.

I wish I could say what happened to Sinead, and her son, was a fluke.

Just a few days after Sinead’s death, news broke of young actor Angus Cloud’s death. He had died in an apparent accidental overdose of fentanyl. Angus and his family spoke that he struggled with mental illness, and not long before Angus passed away, He lost his dad who he was super close with passed away from mesothelioma. A type of cancer in the lungs caused by asbestos, I know this because my dad’s doctors are concerned he has the beginning stages of it.

Do you believe people listen enough?

Situations like this have been happening as long as I’ve been alive, and since even before.

Anthony Bourdain

Avicii

Chris Cornell

Brody Stevens

Robin Williams

Hunter S. Thompson

Ernest Hemingway

Kate Spade

Alexander McQueen

This list could literally go on forever.

Do you believe people listen enough?

I think it’s especially shocking to people when someone famous takes their own life. We view famous people as being lucky, having fame and fortune, having their lives together.

The truth is they’re just people, like you or I,

Think about the weight they must have been carrying, what it took for them to do what they did.

Most of the people I listed have something in common; their mental illness was well documented, so I ask again..

Do you believe people listen enough?

Is it that we don’t listen enough, or is it that we don’t care enough?

Seriously

And when I say we I don’t literally mean you and me. I mean as a society, as a world, as a community, do we not care about each other? Do we not want good things for each other?

Even if I have differences with people, different world views, different morals, different politics, I’d rather listen to them, do all I can to help them, and convince them it’s worth staying, I don’t care if it’s someone I hate, I’d be there if they need me.

Why?

Because I know what it’s like to want to give up, I’ve been at my breaking point before, I had the plan, I was going to do it. My dog stopped me.

When my dog died, I didn’t go back there, I didn’t want to give up. I realized whatever mistakes we’ve made, whatever regrets we have, those things don’t define us, they are not final.

We can always begin again.

Starting over is hard, but it’s not impossible.

Starting over is even harder when you feel like you’re doing it alone, but it’s not impossible.

I’m still in the season of starting over.

Going from what I considered to be success;

Beautiful fiancé

Great dog

Good job

Owning a home

I had all that at 24.

I’ll be 28 in 17 days.

Guess what?

I’m starting over.

Fiancé gone

Dog passed away

Different job

House sold

I’m starting over.

Is it scary?

Yes

Do I wanna give up sometimes? More than you know.

It’s worth it to stay, it gets better. I promise. Take it from someone who’s experienced it.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt peace in my mind, but there’s no relief in dying.

Here I leave you with the lyrics at the end again.

They say joy will come along with the morning sun,

But it’s starless tonight, and this grief weighs a ton,

And I know this world was more than you could bare,

So save me a seat at your table, I will meet you there.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, take the necessary steps, get help, help the people around you. If you don’t know where to start my door is always open.

Pinkies up

Where the skies are gold not gray,

J.