Grief.

Grief is a beautiful thing. I’ve been grieving in some form or another for the last year. From October 2022 to February 2023 I was grieving a romantic relationship. my fiancé left. In February that grief transitioned into grief from death, mourning. February 27th I laid my dog, Presley to rest. It was hard. It is hard. It honestly hasn’t really gotten any easier in the last 8 months. I googled how long I would feel like this as if the internet could tell me. As if anything but time could tell me. The whole time I’ve wanted this feeling to go away. Now I’m glad it’s here, I hope it stays.

When I talk about her I remember all the happy things, I often get choked up. I usually don’t talk about her because I cry. I cry tears of sadness that she’s no longer here, sadness that she was sick at the end, and joy that I got to be there. It’s a strange experience putting an animal down, they know what’s happening, but they’re relaxed, like they know they can’t go on. I hope my death is as loving and peaceful as hers was.

Grief is just unexpressed love, because we didn’t get enough time together. Presley and I got 5 years 4 months almost to the day together. It wasn’t enough time for me, I wanted more. I still want more. This grief I feel is me not having a place for all the extra love I was saving for years to come. We never get enough time with the people or things we love the most. It’s like the more you love something, the less time you get with it.

I love talking about Presley, but I don’t like to cry in front of people. When I cry it’s tears of love. This grief will remain with me, hopefully for the rest of my life. It’s love for Presley, I told her I loved her every day, she knew, but I never want to forget. I hope this grief stays with me as a way for me to never forget.

There are rules to grief, in terms of how we help others in their grieving. Things you do say, things you don’t.

Don’t ever say it could be worse.

Don’t ever say look on the bright side.

Do make sure they know they are loved.

Do make sure they are supported.

If you don’t know how to handle it, that’s okay.

Tell them.

Make it awkward.

Be honest.

Don’t try to give advice on how to grief.

Don’t tell them how to feel.

Just exist next to them so they don’t feel so alone.

Pain

With existence, with life, comes pain. Learn to love the thing you wish most had not happened. It’s a gift to exist. If you’re grateful to exist you have to be grateful for all of it. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly.

With existence comes pain. Some people say suffering but I think to suffer is a choice. How you handle pain, how you handle loss, that decides whether you suffer or not. If you’re grateful for your life you have to be grateful for all of it. You can’t choose to be grateful for the good and not the bad. Without the bad there is no good.

Loss

What comes from loss?

To me loss in life is always a lesson. Sometimes a cruel and unusual lesson, but a lesson. What also comes from loss is awareness. When you lose someone or something, you become aware. You become aware of how other people have felt or may have felt when they lost that thing or person.

Loss gives the opportunity to love deeper. It gives you the opportunity to see what other peoples loss’ have been like. To build a deeper connection with someone. To love deeper. Why? Because it’s part of the human experience to have pain. When someone loses someone or something that you’ve also experienced, you get the opportunity to pause and say “what would I have wanted when this happened to me?”. Well now you can answer that question by being to someone else, what no one was to you. That will bring the deepest connection there is.

Love

Love deeply

Support

Support wholeheartedly

Encourage

Encourage fearlessly

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.