You need not to climb mountain tops.

you need not to cross the sea.

you need not to find a cure, for everything that makes you weak.

You need not to reach for the stars, when life becomes so dark.

And when the wind does grow against the grain, you must follow your heart.

Have you ever had one of those days where the moment you woke up you knew it was going to be an off day? Like you wanted to just shut your eyes and not even do it. When your mind is in such a fog, you’re not sure you can trust it.

I’ve always loved the sentiment of this song: no matter what trust what you feel.

Thoughts are not feelings, and on days like today that’s important for me to remember.

By days like today I mean days when my passive suicidal ideation is a bit stronger than I’d like it to be. I’m never afraid of passive thoughts, they’re uncomfortable and they make me uneasy, but not scared.

These are the days I need to remember to trust what I feel inside. Today despite having passive SI, I feel a bit hopeful. A bit weathered and beaten down, but don’t count me out yet.

On days like today I always feel like I need to solve all my problems at once, and I don’t. I actually don’t need to solve any today. Today can be a day of just getting by, just making it through.

Lately I’ve felt like all the hard times have outweighed the good, even though today should feel like a good day I just feel this luminous cloud over me, taking me down. Making me wonder why I try. I know that’s just my depression talking, but it’s a real buzz kill.

I feel like I’ve paid my price, but the wounds aren’t healing. I feel like I’ve been abandoned by everyone. Like every road has reached its end. I know these are just thoughts not feelings, and I know it’s a storm I’ll weather, but sometimes the thoughts are loud and this is how I let them out.

I must follow my heart.

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.