How can you just walk out on me,

without a trace?

I don’t hear the sound of your voice,

I can’t see your face.

On one side of the coin there’s a cure

on the other there’s a curse

Well I’m living in the larger world now

Where work brings worth

To the things we choose to care about

So what is life like for me now?

No more easy victories of youth

Just the things that we choose to care about

I know that I have more than I will ever need

But I’ve learned that it does not stop the reoccurrence of greed

And there ain’t enough whiskey in this world

To ease a tormented mind

So I’m longing for that place in my dreams

Where light brings life

I swear I already wrote a blog inspired by this song, but since I can’t find it I get the opportunity to do it again.

This song is a hard one for me, thought and feeling provoking.

Last year someone walked out on me without a trace.

I don’t hear the sound of her voice,

I can’t see her face.

That’s a weird thing to say. I can see her face, obviously I have working eyes. I don’t see her in person anymore because there’s no reason for me to, however when I see her in pictures she doesn’t look the same. She doesn’t look like the woman I was going to marry. She even looks like a stranger.

I think I often pick the cursed side of the coin, and more often than not I think that’s the self sabotaging idiot in me.

Forgive me if I lose track during this, another song I plan to write about soon is playing and it’s one of my favorites.

For me after this break up work is truly the only thing bringing any worth to my life, it was the only thing I cared about. It usually is when I’m having a hard time.

I have a bad habit of running from my feelings, turning to work to avoid them. I live in a vicious cycle. Bad thing happens. I pretend bad thing isn’t bad. I work constantly. Panic attacks begin again. My world shrinks. Agoraphobia. I realize the mistake I made. My world begins to reopen. Repeat.

This time we don’t repeat, we write. We listen to music. We talk about it, we get it the fuck out. Never to return again.

You know something I used to care about that ended up cursing me?

Attention.

I used to really enjoy attention, especially the attention of women who found me attractive, it always got me in trouble.

Now I think it’s overrated. I don’t care about that anymore unless I also find them attractive.

I’ll never spend time looking at the sky again with a star by my side.

Lesson learned.

Your memory

it will remain

always and forever

as winter fades

what still remains

always.

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.