Talk to me, I know it’s over.

I’ll listen like I did before.

Hey, you say you hate me.

Ha-ha, I laugh it off.

When I fuck up, like I have lately, somehow I laugh it off.

And if I learned anything at all, smile. Smile.

And if I learned anything at all, smile. Smile

When I was a kid I laughed things off, things that were actually bothering me. I’d pretend to be too cool to care. I’ve always cared, I believe I care more than others.

A blessing and a curse.

A blessing because as you age you learn cooling is care, you learn caring about others and for others is cool, it’s noble.

A curse because we live in a world that doesn’t care enough, enough about each other, enough about ourselves, enough about the world we live in or what we’re creating for future generations.

I can vividly remember feelings from a time in my life that doesn’t have a lot of memory attached to it. It was a time I was constantly in fight or flight, and baby I was like a bird. I was too scared to fight, literally or figuratively. Literally in the sense that I certain did my fair share of upsetting people “tougher” than me.

Figuratively in the sense that I never advocated for myself, stood up for what my wants or needs, stood behind my feelings or left them out on the table.

I’ve always been more of a subliminal talker than I have taken the direct approach. This has left me with more heart ache than any one would ever want, or need.

The pain of love, the pain of having feelings for someone and fucking it up is a pain that as a kid you wonder when it’ll stop hurting. As you grow older you pray it never does. If love ever stops hurting it may mean you’ve stopped feeling it, it may mean you’ve lost the ability to bask in it. That’s not to say you can’t find the right love, the love that works. Even good love, true love, is going to have uncomfortable times, and hard times. That’s how you find out just how strong the love is. During those hard times, during those uncomfortable times you’ll find yourself in pain, that’s when the true test of love begins. Is this a love worth feeling pain for? If it is you may have found the one.

Smile. Laugh it off.

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.