Welcome to the new “Where the skies are gold not gray”.

From now on I’ll be sharing one deeper and more thought out song per week. On top of that I’ll share one song I really enjoy the words to but don’t have a ton to say about.

This first post of this new era comes in the form of a movie instead of a song. I think the goal is to just choose media forms that speak to me, that I recommend, that I enjoy, that made me think.

Cha Cha Real Smooth is a movie available on Apple TV. I’m not sure how to describe its genre, it’s a little bit of a drama, a little sad, a little funny. I’ll be honest I saw an instagram reel of a small clip of the movie. That small clip immediately made me feel like I could resonate with Dakota Johnson’s character so I decided I’d give it a watch.

Unfortunately I didn’t resonate with her character quite as much as I anticipated, or hoped for that matter. I’ll warn you now there are going to be small spoilers in this blog, I apologize, they won’t ruin the movie, they’re just ideas in the movie I found very thought provoking.

In one scene Domino, a character played by Dakota Johnson is talking about soulmates with Andrew played by Cooper Raiff. Raiff’s character is a bit sad in the movie, something I can resonate with. He mentions that he believes in soulmates, but he believes everyone has multiple soulmates. He claims Domino only has four soulmates, some of which she has met, while he has twelve hundred soulmates, also some of which he has met. It got me thinking.

I also believe in multiple soulmates. I believe in soulmates for different things. Platonic soulmates, romantic soulmates, soulmates that only come for a short season of your life to teach you a lesson, or remind you of one.

I believe this because sometimes when you meet someone they feel like, home. I’m not sure how else to describe it, especially since I don’t think I’ve ever lived somewhere that’s felt like home. I don’t believe home is a place. I believe it’s a feeling, a feeling that can exist in people, activities, and places despite it not actually being a place. I believe home isn’t where you sleep at night, or where you shower, eat breakfast, watch tv. We have pieces of what creates the feeling of home all around us. Sometimes we give it out, other times it’s a new piece of home we find in life.

I know this because I’ve felt it. I’ve met people and upon looking in their eyes for the first time, the anxiety calmed, my heart rate slowed, and even if only for a second I felt “home”. I felt safe and like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Unfortunately home doesn’t always stick around, home comes and goes like the ocean’s tide. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever have all the pieces of what home feels like all at once, if I’ll ever experience the full feeling of home, sometimes I imagine that’s something we only get as we cross to the other side.

For me I know I could never feel fully home in this life, I’ve permanently lost vital pieces of what home feels like. My dog Presley for example. Presley was home for 1,948 days. While that may seem like a lot of days to some, it wasn’t enough days for me. I’ll never feel satisfied with our time together fully because it coming to an end blindsided me. I didn’t have enough time between finding out the tide was fleeting and it actually being gone. Since she’s been gone I’ve felt lost at sea. Hoping someone will hear my calls for help and come save me.

It’s been almost 8 months since I’ve felt home.

In that time I do believe I’ve come across more soulmates in life, platonic soulmates. One of them comes in the form of a woman that helped me understand the idea of good enough, the idea that perfect doesn’t exist, and even on the days that I don’t feel good enough, I am. We all are.

Domino and Andrew were soulmates, but I think they got the timing wrong. Domino was in a relationship when she met Andrew, yet admitted that she felt alive around him. That he represented possibility. She was afraid to take the chance because her first husband left, she was always afraid of being left again. She told him that, despite feeling like possibility, she wanted to stay where it was comfortable, in her current relationship.

I often think as humans we seek comfort and once we find it in something or someone we stop taking risks. We just stay in this place, in the mundane. This place that isn’t the worst, but isn’t the best either. It’s not what we dreamed for, it’s what we settled for. I think we should stop settling.

Romantic love is an illusion. 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, even more frightening 60-65% of second marriages end in divorce. I think a lot of what happens in relationships is we fear the feeling of being alone, I know I do. So when we find a potential partner we put them on a pedestal. The phrase “honey moon phase” is a real thing. The honey moon phase is the illusion, where you think everything in the relationship is perfect. The truth is for true romantic love you need three things:

Commitment

Passion

Intimacy

So many people think they have true romantic love because during the honey moon phase, your brain is oozing dopamine. Dopamine is tricking you into thinking you’re happier than you think you are, that things are better than they actually are.

A lot of people stay in relationships for security too, they feel secure in this relationship so they stay, they’re comfortable and that gives a sense of security they take as love that isn’t true love. Think about your relationship and think about if it has the three things I mentioned above.

The definition of love according to buddhists is unselfishly wishing to be happy; to be delighted to be in their presence; to offer our affection and smiles and hugs and help freely without wanting anything in return.

When’s the last time you felt that?

I do believe in soulmates, but I’m not longer sure I believe in true romantic love.

Do you?

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.