This is the story of a man, who took for granted everything he had, how he let it all just slip away, never to return again.

Now 20 years have come and gone, but still he wonders what he did so wrong. And how that he can win back her heart and finally step outside of the dark.

He buys fresh roses every day, her favorite flower so she used to say. Now that memory is all that he has left. I’m afraid to drink himself to death.

This is the story of a man who took for granted everything he had. That man is me. I’ve been this man a couple times now, ironically the time I’m referring to if you know what I’ve been through in the last year or so.

The man who took for granted everything he had wasn’t a man at all, it was the younger me. No more than 16 or 17. And everything he had was actually just a connection with a girl, a little older than him.

It hasn’t been 20 years it’s been about 10 and still I wonder where things went wrong, I don’t wonder how I can win back her heart for two reasons. I’m not sure I ever had her heart. And someone else has it now.

I’m not actually sure what her favorite flower was because I never asked, never got the chance to. There are only a couple of memories that I have left. The rest are blocked out by trauma, probably for both of us.

I wish I could remember how we became friends, but that memory doesn’t currently exist in my mind. I do remember being really excited we did, as our friendship continued the connection grew. I never thought I had a shot so I always pretended those feelings weren’t there. Now I can only wonder what would have been if I had acted on them.

I really don’t remember what I did wrong in this situation, whatever it was, it makes me a fool. I recently apologized to her and she was surprised I even remembered.

I think back of her and nothing but good feelings come up, still I wish I got the answers to all the questions I had then, as I may never get the chance now. I do hope she reads my writing. For the most part I don’t give a shit if anyone reads this blog. She has an artist in her thought, I feel like she could appreciate someone who wants their writing to be art, I have a long way to go before it is. Maybe some day she’ll give her input.

It’s clear she’s moved on long ago, but he still clings on to a distant hope, that she’ll come home and make a happy home.

A wasted life waiting on a dream, hoping for things the way they used to be.

This is the story of a man who took for granted everything he had, how he let it all just slip away.

Never to return again.

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.