Hope it doesn’t get worse as I get older, everyones giving me the cold shoulder. I don’t remember when it took over, all I know now is it controls me. I don’t wanna call you but I can’t really sleep. And I’ve been wearing a smile, pretending to eat. Oh I swear, that I can explain, no. I always get this way. It’s fine. And I’m trying really hard not to fall apart, if you don’t mind. I always get this way, at night, I do. If you could find it in your heart not to tear me apart, you’d be so kind.

This song is for sure not my typical genre of music, it ended up on my list of blog idea songs and when I heard it I knew I had to write.

Anxiety is a universal human emotion, a survival mechanism deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history. It serves as a natural response to threats, triggering the fight or flight response when there’s danger.

When anxiety transcends it’s evolutionary purpose and becomes an ever-present force in your life, it can be overwhelmingly controlling.

Being controlled by anxiety is like navigating life in a fog of unease. It affects everything from the mundane to the extraordinary. Physical and mental symptoms almost become companions. They push and pull and shape your decisions and actions.

The mental toll is the toughest part. Anxiety whispers doubt and fear into every thought. It’s a big game of “what if” and catastrophizing in an endless loop. Anxiety clouds judgment, and has a hard time assessing risks accurately. It’s like your own inner critic.

For me the phyiscal manifestations are compelling in their control. Racing heart, shortness of breath, muscle tension. In most cases for me, anxiety leads to panic attacks, where an overwhelming sense of doom takes over, making the smallest tasks seem impossible.

Social interactions become a battleground instead of a sense of joy. Fear of judgment or rejection. It quickly leads to isolation and loneliness. Anxiety stifles personal growth and opportunities for meaningful relationships.

Work and ambition that can lead to success can be profoundly affected. Anxiety prevents you from taking risks or pursuing dreams. For me it stops me from performing at my best.

The grip of anxiety doesn’t just affect mental well being. It can take a toll on your physical health if you’re struggling from it long enough. It can lead to high blood pressure, digestive issues, and sleep disturbances.

Breaking free from the grips is not a linear process. It involves professional help, therapy, medication, mindfulness, and lifestyle changes. Setbacks happen constantly. With patiences, something I know nothing about, they say it’s possible to regain control.

As deeply unsettling as it is to be controlled by anxiety, I have to remember I can break free, and soon I will.

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.