Everyone wants everything, no matter the cost, we’re longing to live in a dream. But we can’t let go to all that we think we know, this great escape until we give up the ghost. But why are we so worried more about the hurry and less about the harm? Always trying to conquer that which does not offer anything more than a broken heart, oh what a cost for love. I only want, oh simple things. Mourning the lost and what could have been. When did I let go to all that I used to know? This grave mistake has left an absence of hope.

Hurrying through life can make you miss the precious moments. In the pursuit of speed we sacrifice the depth of experience and the joy of being fully present. I myself an a chronic hurrier. Over the last 100 days in the house I’ve realized what a mistake I’ve made in doing so. It didn’t get me anywhere better than I would have been, it just made me miss moments that I wish I could have back.

The belief that time is a finite resource has conditioned us to embrace a hurried lifestyle. The harm in hurrying to our relationships and our ability to fully engage in the world around us is often underestimated.

Our relationships suffer when we hurry. Moments spent with loved ones turn superficial, barely remembered because we’re so focused on the next thing, on the future. From here the future looks more bleak every day. Sometimes when I don’t remember something happening I wonder, did trauma make me forget? Or was I so focused on my next task that I actually wasn’t even present in that moment.

My biggest concerned with a hurried life is despite being more connected than ever, we are not valuing our time with one another. No one is looking to build meaningful relationships with people. When’s the last time you called a friend just to say how are you? No not texted, called. Talked to like a human, heard their voice, allowed them to hear yours.

It’s interesting during covid I took a break from working in restaurants, I wasn’t scared of getting sick. I was scared of interacting through a mask. I like to see peoples facial expression, be able to hear the tone in their voice. As someone who is constantly in a state of worry and anxiety, I’ve gotten pretty damn good at being able to look at someone and know if they’re doing okay. To have a short conversation and know what kind of mood they’re in. I think masks took that away from me. I think technology continues to take that away from me on a semi regular basis.

A hurried lifestyle often leads to overconsumption, and waste. Convenience has become priority, leading to disposable products, fast fashion, and excessive energy use. Pollution is at an all time high, the climate seems to be changing by the minute, and resources are being depleted one by one.

I don’t think my blog that two people read is going to change any of these things, really this is a place for me to think out loud. A place for anyone to get to know me without actually having a conversation with me.

As important as it is to focus less on convenience and more on sustainability, my mind always goes to the human side of that. More sustainable relationships. Not just keeping people in your life for the ease of it.

Sometimes I wish we could go back in time, but with the things that were good in the old days are plenty of things that were bad. I wish I grew up in a time where social media didn’t exist, I’m sure it’s ruined my brain, and continues to daily. Without it wouldn’t life be lonely though? I think of how many people I connect with on instagram on a daily basis, people that I wouldn’t know if they even still existed without social media.

I’m just not for one to speak through screens. A few months ago I went on I guess a date? I’m not really sure what you call it when two strangers meet, go for a stroll in the woods and then enjoy dinner together. Whatever it was I’ve longed for it since. The company was great don’t get me wrong, but that’s not why I’ve been craving it. I’ve been craving it because before that day I can’t tell you the last time I spent time with someone for a few hours and neither of us checked our phones. it was nice, it was what I want my life to be more like.

I guess I also wonder what it would have been like to have to actually ask a girl on a date, you know good will hunting style, how do you like them apples?

For as long as I can remember I’ve been able to “slide” into someones DM’s and say hello. Ask them about themselves, ask them to hangout if it goes that way. I think that causes an unhealthy fear of rejection. I don’t even know how I would ask a girl on a date in person. What do you say? Do you need a speech prepared? Flowers?

What if she says no? I mean obviously if she says no you respect her response and move on, but how embarrassing. I may be the most shy romantic who’s ever lived. I don’t say that as in I’m super romantic, even though I like to think I have my moments. I mean all I’ve ever wanted was a love story, I know that sounds lame, but I like intimacy. I don’t mean sex, I mean intimacy. I mean I want to know everything there is to know about you. What you like, what you hate, what irrational fears you have. In today’s hurried world no one wants to sit down and have these conversations. It’s probably why loneliness is on the rise, for me and for others.

I’m going back to the start.

Where the skies are gold not gray, J.